Online Daters Face Obstacles

By: Mike Sachoff - May 23, 2008

Couples who meet online do not always work out because they select partners who are not compatible and they develop emotional ties before meeting in person, an Australian university researcher has found.

Women were more likely to choose the wrong partner as they become attracted to humorous comments and witty emails, according to psychologist Matthew Bambling from the Queensland University of Technology.

"Just because they can write a clever comment or a witty email, doesn’t mean they will be Mr. Right, that’s for sure," Bambling told Reuters. He says people will highlight their good points while covering up anything negative.

"Few guys for example would say ‘look, I’m a middle aged alcoholic who’s been married five times, pick me’. They’re going to present themselves as a good catch," Bambling said.

Bambling said it’s easy for people to put too much emotionally into an online relationship before they meet in person. "They often become quickly emotionally involved and invest in the other person before meeting. After meeting they move too fast because an emotional relationship actually started when they began interacting online before meeting, in which time they build up a fantasy view of the other person," he said.

Bambling recommends people can avoid the problems of online dating by meeting after the first few emails. This helps to avoid over investing emotionally or creating a fantasy about the other person.

He suggests meeting over coffee instead of dinner in case thing don’t work out because it’s less awkward and less pressure than sitting through a whole dinner.

"The main thing to remember is to make real life contact as soon as possible if you are interested in someone because it is here that you will know if a relationship is a possibility, said Bambling.


Mike Sachoff

About the Author

Mike SachoffMike is a staff writer for WebProNews.

View all posts by Mike Sachoff
  • cheermom007

    HEY, you stole my line from…  well sorta.

    I wrote on my profile:

    " Have you ever noticed that most people put "social drinker – maybe one or two". But there’s not a place for "I’m a sloppy drunk – please email me anyway." That’s not me, but it’s just strange that it isn’t an option on here : P "

    Someone emailed me this article because they thought you wrote this about me.

    Haha.  Very funny, Riley.






  • Online Dating Agencies

    Totally agree with you

    It is so easy to unwittingly create an illusion of yourself that is not an accurate representation of yourself hen communicating by email

    Your suggestion of meeting after the first few emails is very valid


    just to add that it is important that you meet in a public place eg a cafe or a busy park. Not at your apartment or his.

    Just be sensible and stay safe

  • Guest

    Those who are lonely for a longer period and who are upset with the present relationship throw away all the precautions while nurturing an online relationship. It is their longing for a caring drives them emotionally. Online daters should avoid haste and put aside their emotions, so that they would not end up with another soar relationship.

    Your research will caution the online daters.

    Online Dating Websites

  • JetCityOrange

    One would think that online dating would offer a fresh perspective on contemporary mating rituals. But if you think about it, craigslist, your Aunt Millie, a bar at last call, or your old college roommate: no matter how you meet someone it’s still boy vs. girl, the classic battle of the sexes.

    Here’s one arena of human existence that technology hasn’t changed significantly. Women like tall men with money, men like young women with looks. No one is honest with themselves, let alone their partners.

  • Kay

    You are absolutely right about meeting soon. Many people know how to be totally charming in emails. It’s harder to hide fatal flaws in person.

  • Kay

    I forgot to add – please visit my site for online dating tips and advice, including how to be safe on a first date.

  • Guest

    i think the initial chatting before you meet the person is really just to ensure you eliminate potential no-no’s – hopefully from the first few comments you can gauge a few things like whether the person’s background, level of education and general views are compatible with yours to avoid a very awkward meeting.. but once you’re happy with the basics i definitely recommend meeting asap – and don’t give the person any details that will allow them to trace you afterward until you’ve met and decided that you’d like to take it further.. even if they sound fantastic :)

  • Mr Jaime

    Hi! I tried that one tol and really did the trick for me, I entered two addresses and "bar" and gave me the perfect halfway bars to meet my date! its awesome you should try it too… very simple just enter your address and the person’s you’re tring to meet and a point of interest they call and it will give you the exact match. Thanks for the post about

  • Guest is kind of cheesy but it really works! I tried to find a point between New Hampshire and South Bend, In and I got the exact point that I was standing at thinking myself I was halfway through my trip down to Notre Damme… cheesy but works

  • john

    There are sites that offer video voice chat so you can see and here the person before you meet so there is more reality to who the person is – free online dating offers this totally free

  • Internet Marketing Indonesia

    thanks for your article. Very help me. I will more like visit to webpronews site. :) Fantastic

  • Datopia – Free video dating

    It is very important to have a face to face conversation before heading for a serious relationship. Sometimes people realize it late and by that time they are already deeply involved.

    Video dating and meeting personally tends to solve lot of these issues. offers it for free!

  • Jonas Cronfeld

    Of course you don’t meet up and then become wife and husband. Online dating is a way for singles to meet new people – not a way to fall in love in a virtual reality :-)

  • Dating Jack

    Who would actually “choose a partner” after talking online, and NOT getting to know the real person in real life? Sounds very weird. If you spend the time to actually get to know the person you talked to on the net, you’d find out if you were really a match.