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Breaking Up with Bad Clients

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As any type of company or consultant, the WRONG clients can destroy your success. It is often very tempting to keep clients, since the money seems nice, but when you drill down to the nitty gritty, they are often not very profitable at best, and a complete resource drain that can damage your pocket book and your quality of life at worst.

Beyond strictly fiscal drains, a bad client raises your stress levels, and makes life much more difficult all the way around. In just about any company, the pareto principle applies to bad clients. 20% of clients create 80% of the problems. Breaking it off with a client can be a scary experience, but those that practice "culling the client heard" can attest to just how important it is. If you continue to take on clients that are not great, you will end up in a vicious cycle of doing work you don’t like for people you don’t like.

Don’t think twice – break up with them. Here’s some tips for breaking up with the wrong types of clients whether you do design, development, marketing, or ANY type of service based occupation as a consultant or company.

  • It’s not you it’s me. We just grew apart
    The goals of our company aren’t really progressing in the same direction, and I can’t continue to help you anymore.
  • I think we should see other people
    You would be better served by another company.
  • I need some space
    I really can’t continue to work with you due to my current workload.
  • Can’t we just be friends?
    I’d rather just answer your occasional question (via email) than charge you money, and be obligated to speak with you (by phone).
  • We aren’t right for each other
    My core competencies just don’t jive with your strategic vision

Internet marketing/ web development specific:

  • You have changed. I don’t know if you are relevant to me anymore*
  • It’s not you, it’s your data.*
  • Let’s just be linking partners*
  • You know I am afraid of commitment which is why I only do PPC. You are more SEO*
  • The thrill is gone. Your time on site is just average.*
  • We never even convert anymore.
  • We want different rankings.
  • Our information architecture is just too different
  • Here are your website files.
  • I think it’s time you changed your ftp information
  • I think that maybe you need a designer with a little more technical knowledge than I can give. You know, someone who has more of the traits you’re looking for. **
  • Would you like your contract mailed back to you in one piece or shredded into pieces?***
  • You’re website is just ranking a little too fast for me.
  • You’ve done nothing wrong. It’s me…I’ve just lost interest in the web.
  • I couldn’t ask you to trust me again after another Florida update, it wouldn’t be fair.
  • Your links just aren’t organic enough for my tastes.
  • Your site just isn’t a priority to you anymore. I really need someone who can fulfill my recommendations.
  • If our relationship was a redirect, it would be 410
  • You’re just not keeping your code up anymore. Do you even CARE what it looks like?
  • I can continue to charge you if you’d like, but I can’t do your work.
  • "I’m sorry, but I think I have decided on a new text link advertisement service."

    "What, do you not find our link offerings as attractive anymore?"

    "No, of course not, it’s just, well, I met this other company and, well, they have links with higher pagerank that aren’t as obviously paid"

    "Well, can’t we see what we can work out?"

    "I’m sorry, I have to explore this new company and see what happens, to know whats best for me and my site"***

*Courtesy of Andres Galdames of Clicktracks – who sparked the idea for this post

**Courtesy of Reese of DesignbyReese.com

***Courtesy of SugarRae

You might also try some variations of the geek breakup list – I would be particularly fond of variations including:

  1. You have been unsubscribed from our client list – click here to confirm
  2. You’re a frontpage person, and you know I’ve always been about Dreamweaver. It’s not going to work out.
  3. I need a lover who understands that 20 hours a day on the Internet is normal.
  4. Let’s face it – you agree with Dave Pasternack, and I think it is a marketing school of thought.

Whatever you do – don’t pawn bad clients off on friends, unless you don’t really like your friends either. Don’t waste your life in misery – break up with those bad clients. By ditching the crappy clients, you end up with clients you really ENJOY working with.

More resources on why you should fire bad clients:

What types of breakup lines have you used (or think would be pretty funny if you DID use them)?

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