Quantcast
 
Florida Men Butt-Dial Employer, Detail Robbery in Voicemail

Florida Men Butt-Dial Employer, Detail Robbery in Voicemail

By Josh Wolford February 23, 2015

In an era of smartphones and passcodes, one would think that the instances of “butt dialing” would decline, if not disappear altogether. But this is Florida. Two Key West men have been booked on charges of felony grand theft after …

Dumb People Keep Calling 911 When Facebook Goes Down Dumb People Keep Calling 911 When Facebook Goes Down

Apparently, people didn’t get the memo the last time this happened. As you may know, Facebook and Instagram suffered a major outage on Monday. It lasted about an hour. It was devastating. During this time, instead of doing literally anything …

Emoji-Laden Threat Against Police Lands Teen in Jail

Don’t threaten the police. Don’t threaten the police on Facebook. Don’t use a bunch of gun emojis when threatening the police on Facebook, which you’re not supposed to be doing anyway. In fact, at this point, I’d advise against Facebook …

Florida Man Posts Stolen Nudes to Mom's Facebook

Florida Man, the world’s worst superhero, is at it again. This time he’s engaging in some real top-shelf creepster activity, “hacking” Facebook accounts and posting nude photos to his victim’s mom’s wall. 30-year-old Michael Rubens has been arrested on 31 …

Facebook Post Could Land Parolee Back Behind Bars

If you ever happen to find yourself in a situation where you’re out of prison on parole, it might be a good idea to stay off Facebook – or at least watch what you say. A Cuyahoga county, Ohio parolee …

Florida Man Has Drugs, in Case You Were Wondering

I’ve never tried to give someone a bag of meth in a Kmart, so I’m no expert on the matter. I have to imagine, however, that if I did decide to make that life decision – I’d wear the most …

Florida Man Phuc Kieu Charged in Attempted Rape

A Florida man, legal name Phuc Kieu, has been charged with robbery, kidnapping, and sexual battery after attempting to rape another man in a Gainesville parking lot. 58-year-old Phuc X. Kieu allegedly waited for the victim to finish making a …

Teacher Suspended Over 'Dumb Ass Crackers' Tweet

In another episode of you can’t say that shit on Twitter, a Duncanville, Texas high school teacher has been suspended after sending out a rather explicit tweet. “Who the fuck made you dumb duck ass crackers think I give a …

Couple Butt-Dial 911, Detail Robbery, Jam Bon Jovi

A couple of cowboys will likely be riding their steel horses all the way to the clink after accidentally butt-dialing 911 shortly after they allegedly stole a man’s TV. Aaron Burrell, 37, and Yvonne Thyberg, 35, of Roswell, New Mexico …

Googler Arrested in Nude Photo Extortion Scheme

The FBI has arrested an “Internal Technology Resident” at Google after he allegedly obtained nude photos of a Texas college student by way of a Gmail scam and subsequently used them in an attempt to extort more nude photos. 23-year-old …

Man Texts Probation Officer Looking to Buy Pot

On average, Americans send and receive over 40 text messages every day. With all of that texting, one is bound to screw up every once in a while and text the wrong person. Let’s just call this the most unlucky …

Facebook Needs to Up the Volume of Satire Tags, Stat Facebook Needs to Up the Volume of Satire Tags, Stat

Last week, Facebook began reminding idiots that The Onion, as well as articles from other “satirical” sources, were in fact satire. And like a beaming white patronus in the forest of idiocy, thousands of clueless souls stepped up to provide …

Facebook Reminds Idiots That The Onion Is Satire Facebook Reminds Idiots That The Onion Is Satire

Because people are generally idiots, Facebook has begun reminding people that articles from The Onion are indeed satirical, and should not be shared as serious articles replete with outrage, disgust, and general displeasure. I guess some Facebook engineer saw his …

Teen Charged with Beating Autistic Kid at Party Teen Charged with Beating Autistic Kid at Party

An 18-year-old Okeechobee Florida resident has been arrested and charged with child abuse “without bodily harm” after police identified him in a disturbing video posted on his Facebook page. Andrew Wheeler can be seen repeatedly punching, kneeing, and dragging an …

Mother of the Year Films Son Setting Himself on Fire

While some people have been dumping ice water on themselves to get attention on Facebook, others have been setting themselves on fire. Over the past couple of months, a disturbing and utterly moronic trend has swept across social media. It’s …

Mom Calls Police on Porn-Watching Son

In you-might-be-struggling-with-self-validation-but-you’re-definitely-a-better-parent-than-this-lunatic news, a Spartansburg, South Carolina woman called 911 when she came home to discover that her 15-year-old son had been watching porn. The Smoking Gun obtained the police report, which states that Chavonda Gallman, a real estate agent, …

Idiots Reportedly Called 911 When Facebook Was Down Idiots Reportedly Called 911 When Facebook Was Down

What the hell is wrong with people? About four hours ago, Facebook went down. Like really down. Many users worldwide were unable to access the social network at all, and those who did saw a service operating at a well-below …