Teacher Suspended Over ‘Dumb Duck Ass Crackers’ Tweet

In another episode of you can’t say that shit on Twitter, a Duncanville, Texas high school teacher has been suspended after sending out a rather explicit tweet. “Who the fuck made you dumb duck ass crackers think I give a…

911 Butt-Dial Features Robbery Details, Bon Jovi

A couple of cowboys will likely be riding their steel horses all the way to the clink after accidentally butt-dialing 911 shortly after they allegedly stole a man’s TV. Aaron Burrell, 37, and Yvonne Thyberg, 35, of Roswell, New Mexico…

Googler Arrested in Nude Photo Extortion Scheme

The FBI has arrested an “Internal Technology Resident” at Google after he allegedly obtained nude photos of a Texas college student by way of a Gmail scam and subsequently used them in an attempt to extort more nude photos. 23-year-old…

Man Texts Probation Officer Looking to Buy Pot

On average, Americans send and receive over 40 text messages every day. With all of that texting, one is bound to screw up every once in a while and text the wrong person. Let’s just call this the most unlucky…

‘Facebook Drug Task Force’ Hoax Shows Desperate Need for More Satire Tags

Last week, Facebook began reminding idiots that The Onion, as well as articles from other “satirical” sources, were in fact satire. And like a beaming white patronus in the forest of idiocy, thousands of clueless souls stepped up to provide…

Facebook Is Reminding Idiots That The Onion Is Satire

Because people are generally idiots, Facebook has begun reminding people that articles from The Onion are indeed satirical, and should not be shared as serious articles replete with outrage, disgust, and general displeasure. I guess some Facebook engineer saw his…

Florida Man Charged with Beating Autistic Kid at Party After Video Winds Up on Facebook

An 18-year-old Okeechobee Florida resident has been arrested and charged with child abuse “without bodily harm” after police identified him in a disturbing video posted on his Facebook page. Andrew Wheeler can be seen repeatedly punching, kneeing, and dragging an…

Mother of the Year Films Son Setting Himself on Fire for Idiotic Challenge, Say Police

While some people have been dumping ice water on themselves to get attention on Facebook, others have been setting themselves on fire. Over the past couple of months, a disturbing and utterly moronic trend has swept across social media. It’s…

Mom Calls Police on Porn-Watching Son

In you-might-be-struggling-with-self-validation-but-you’re-definitely-a-better-parent-than-this-lunatic news, a Spartansburg, South Carolina woman called 911 when she came home to discover that her 15-year-old son had been watching porn. The Smoking Gun obtained the police report, which states that Chavonda Gallman, a real estate agent,…

Idiots Reportedly Called 911 When Facebook Was Down

What the hell is wrong with people? About four hours ago, Facebook went down. Like really down. Many users worldwide were unable to access the social network at all, and those who did saw a service operating at a well-below…