Hostage Asks for Help via Pizza Hut App: ‘Get 911 to me’

In Florida (where else), a quick-thinking woman and her children are safe after she placed the most important pizza order of her life. According to the Highlands County Sheriff’s Office, Cheryl Treadway used the ‘additional comments’ section inside the Pizza…

Dumb People Keep Calling 911 When Facebook Goes Down

Apparently, people didn’t get the memo the last time this happened. As you may know, Facebook and Instagram suffered a major outage on Monday. It lasted about an hour. It was devastating. During this time, instead of doing literally anything…

Andrea Tantaros On CIA Torture: ‘America is Awesome’

Responding to a declassified CIA torture report concerning post-9/11 detainees, which included mentions of extreme waterboarding and “rectal feeding,” conservative political analyst and commentator Andrea Tantaros declared that “America is awesome.” The Senate Intelligence Committee poured $50 million into an…

Freedom Tower: One World Trade Center Officially Open

One World Trade Center is officially open for business. According to a New York Times report publishing company Cond√© Nast moved employees into the building on Monday, becoming its first tenant. Planning for the building, referred to as the Freedom…

911 Butt-Dial Features Robbery Details, Bon Jovi

A couple of cowboys will likely be riding their steel horses all the way to the clink after accidentally butt-dialing 911 shortly after they allegedly stole a man’s TV. Aaron Burrell, 37, and Yvonne Thyberg, 35, of Roswell, New Mexico…

Annasophia Robb Talks Charity, Mother

Annasophia Robb was at the annual Cantor Fitzgerald and BG&C Charity Day event on Thursday. It also happened to be 9/11, which is the purpose of the event. Charity Day was founded in order to remember the 658 Cantor and…

AnnaSophia Robb Helps Raise Millions

AnnaSophia Robb was one of the celebrities that were on hand to help raise money for charity at the Cantor Fitzgerald and BG&C Charity Day event on 9/11. She joined other celebs including Jake Gyllenhaal, Ben Stiller, and Michelle Williams.…

Westboro Baptist Claims Plans to Picket 9/11 Memorial on 9/11

In one of the more despicable moves they have tried, the Patriot Wing of the Westboro Baptist Church famously used the occasion of the September 11, 2001 attacks on the U.S., which leveled the Twin Towers of the World Trade…

Mom Calls Police on Porn-Watching Son

In you-might-be-struggling-with-self-validation-but-you’re-definitely-a-better-parent-than-this-lunatic news, a Spartansburg, South Carolina woman called 911 when she came home to discover that her 15-year-old son had been watching porn. The Smoking Gun obtained the police report, which states that Chavonda Gallman, a real estate agent,…

Idiots Reportedly Called 911 When Facebook Was Down

What the hell is wrong with people? About four hours ago, Facebook went down. Like really down. Many users worldwide were unable to access the social network at all, and those who did saw a service operating at a well-below…