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Man Texts Probation Officer Looking to Buy Pot

On average, Americans send and receive over 40 text messages every day. With all of that texting, one is bound to screw up every once in a while and text the wrong person. Let’s just call this the most unlucky …

‘Facebook Drug Task Force’ Hoax Shows Desperate Need for More Satire Tags ‘Facebook Drug Task Force’ Hoax Shows Desperate Need for More Satire Tags

Last week, Facebook began reminding idiots that The Onion, as well as articles from other “satirical” sources, were in fact satire. And like a beaming white patronus in the forest of idiocy, thousands of clueless souls stepped up to provide …

Facebook Is Reminding Idiots That The Onion Is Satire Facebook Is Reminding Idiots That The Onion Is Satire

Because people are generally idiots, Facebook has begun reminding people that articles from The Onion are indeed satirical, and should not be shared as serious articles replete with outrage, disgust, and general displeasure. I guess some Facebook engineer saw his …

Florida Man Charged with Beating Autistic Kid at Party After Video Winds Up on Facebook Florida Man Charged with Beating Autistic Kid at Party After Video Winds Up on Facebook

An 18-year-old Okeechobee Florida resident has been arrested and charged with child abuse “without bodily harm” after police identified him in a disturbing video posted on his Facebook page. Andrew Wheeler can be seen repeatedly punching, kneeing, and dragging an …

Mother of the Year Films Son Setting Himself on Fire for Idiotic Challenge, Say Police

While some people have been dumping ice water on themselves to get attention on Facebook, others have been setting themselves on fire. Over the past couple of months, a disturbing and utterly moronic trend has swept across social media. It’s …

Mom Calls Police on Porn-Watching Son

In you-might-be-struggling-with-self-validation-but-you’re-definitely-a-better-parent-than-this-lunatic news, a Spartansburg, South Carolina woman called 911 when she came home to discover that her 15-year-old son had been watching porn. The Smoking Gun obtained the police report, which states that Chavonda Gallman, a real estate agent, …

Idiots Reportedly Called 911 When Facebook Was Down Idiots Reportedly Called 911 When Facebook Was Down

What the hell is wrong with people? About four hours ago, Facebook went down. Like really down. Many users worldwide were unable to access the social network at all, and those who did saw a service operating at a well-below …

Teen Threatens to Kill Everyone in Texas Town on Facebook

There are two things that teens should know about posting incendiary, possibly terroristic messages on Facebook in 2014. First, someone’s going to notice and you’re going to get caught. Also, they’re going to take that shit seriously. Meet Melissa Johnson, …

Terrible Prognosticator Posts ‘Y’all Will Never Catch Me’ on Police Facebook Page Terrible Prognosticator Posts ‘Y’all Will Never Catch Me’ on Police Facebook Page

In Anne Arundel County Florida Maryland, police are celebrating the arrest of a man who overestimated his skills of evasion. Like many police units across the country, the Anne Arundel County Police have turned to social media to help raise …

Florida Man Points Gun at Cat’s Face, Posts Pic to Facebook

Florida Man, the world’s worst superhero, is at it again! What kind of lovable hijinks is he getting into this time? Is he trying to “drive off” his drunk? Is he sending bomb threats to high schools via Facebook message? …

Leaving Your Kids in a Hot Ass Car Will Likely Get Your Windows Smashed

It seems like every summer we hear some tragic story about someone leaving their kid(s) in a sweltering car while they run an errand – or in the case of this summer’s worst thing ever, while they work for seven …

Criminal Mastermind Forgets to Log-out of Facebook at Home He Burgled

There’s still one Hall of Fame that will accept everybody – it doesn’t matter if you’re a liar, thief, cheat, or whatever. It’s the Facebook Idiots Hall of Fame, and it’s accepting new members all the time. Today’s honoree is …

Hospital Leaked Patient’s Syphilis Diagnosis on Facebook, Claims Lawsuit Hospital Leaked Patient’s Syphilis Diagnosis on Facebook, Claims Lawsuit

I’d imagine that being told you have an STD isn’t pleasant, but I’m pretty sure that it would be twice as awful if that news was made public – plastered all over Facebook, for instance. That’s what one Cincinnati woman …

Robber Caught After Friending Victim on Facebook

You have to be a real winner to hit someone in the back of the head just to steal their iPod, but it takes quite the criminal mastermind to seek out their victim on Facebook the day after the robbery. …

Mom Banned from Facebooking About Kids, Hitler Mom Banned from Facebooking About Kids, Hitler

If a judge orders, as part of a probation deal, that you must stop ranting about Hitler and your family on Facebook, you should probably take it seriously. An appellate court has ruled that banning a woman from posting about …

Florida Man Facebooks Cop-Adjacent Drug Deal Photos Florida Man Facebooks Cop-Adjacent Drug Deal Photos

Florida Man, the world’s worst superhero, is staying busy, as always. A Port St. Lucie man has been arrested after–well, after doing a lot of dumb things. According to the Martin County Sheriff’s office, 21–year-old Taylor Harrison has been arrested …

Man Named Popadick Fulfills Surname Destiny in Public Park

Until just now, I’d never come across any “Popadicks.” My introduction to the surname comes in the form of a story about one Donald Popadick, who Ottawa Police claim exposed himself in a public park. Yep. A man named Donald …

Police Raid House Over Parody Twitter Account About City Mayor Police Raid House Over Parody Twitter Account About City Mayor

If you live in Peoria, Illinois, you’d better watch what you tweet about the mayor. Rather, you’d better watch what you tweet as the mayor from a parody account. City police performed a search operation at a Peoria home on …

Principal Calls 6-Year-Old ‘Honey Boo Boo’ on Facebook, Resigns Amid Outrage

Most people would be better off if they were just a little bit more careful with what they posted on Facebook. This goes double for anyone in the public eye, especially if it’s your job to look after children. Actually, …

San Francisco Apparently Has a Smart Car Tipping Problem

In rural areas, kids have been tipping cows to beat their boredom for years–or that’s how the story goes. Now, in the less-rural Bay Area, some pranksters are tipping new things for the new generation. It seems that San Francisco …

Woman Pranks Daughter with School Shooting Text in Dumbest April Fools’ Joke of the Year

And you thought Netflix’s sizzling bacon documentary was bad… A 54-year-old woman has been charged with disturbing schools, breaching the peace, and unlawful use of a telephone after sending a text to her daughter claiming that shots had been fired …