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Patton Oswalt Makes Compelling Argument for Never Going Outside Ever Again

Patton Oswalt Makes Compelling Argument for Never Going Outside Ever Again

By Josh Wolford March 3, 2015

Patton Oswalt thinks that television is in its “American cinema in the early 70s” phase, and that’s reason enough to stay glued to your TV and never go out in the sun ever again. Oswalt went on a predictably brilliant …

Katy Perry, Drake, Lady Gaga Read Mean Tweets

Jimmy Kimmel’s best segment and one of the overall best bits on late night – mean tweets – has returned. This time, it’s the second-ever all-music edition, which features the likes of Josh Groban, Drake, Lady Gaga, Sam Smith, Jessie …

Man Keeps Facebook Promise to Police

In Canadian news, a Canadian man has gone full Canada and turned himself in to police after assuring them he would on Facebook. CTV News says that Rodney Constantine was wanted on four warrants, including failing to appear in court …

90s Facebook Ad Is Hilarious Parody of Early AOL Ad 90s Facebook Ad Is Hilarious Parody of Early AOL Ad

If Facebook would have come around in the mid-90s, you would’ve been burning through free trial discs like Fruit by the Foot. I know I would’ve. From comedian Brent Weinbach comes this damn-near-perfect parody of those old internet ads – …

Florida Man Has Drugs, in Case You Were Wondering

I’ve never tried to give someone a bag of meth in a Kmart, so I’m no expert on the matter. I have to imagine, however, that if I did decide to make that life decision – I’d wear the most …

Play-Doh in Damage Control Mode Over Penisy Toy

Poor social media managers. One minute you’re thinking up cute ways to create brand-appropriate happy holiday messages and the next minute you’re furiously deleting images of little plastic penises. Play-Doh is in damage control mode on its social media accounts …

BBC Reporter Gets High From Second Hand Smoke

“Burning behind me is eight and half tons of heroin, opium, hashish and other narcotics… huehuehehe” elegantly guffawed BBC Reporter Quentin Sommerville. Like a dumpy Disney character, the journalist then told the cameraman in a slur to record another take, …

Anna Kendrick Is Skeptical of Letterman's Cat Toy

Anna Kendrick, no stranger to more risqué humor, tells it like it is. And that includes letting David Letterman know that cat toy is definitely no cat toy. Kendrick recently appeared on the Late Show and took no time in …

South Dakota Yanks ‘Don’t Jerk and Drive’ Campaign South Dakota Yanks ‘Don’t Jerk and Drive’ Campaign

In of course the higher-ups are going to ruin a good thing news, a South Dakota highway safety campaign has been yanked after it went viral last week. As you may have heard, the South Dakota Office of Highway Safety …

South Dakota Wants to Be Sure You Don't Jerk & Drive South Dakota Wants to Be Sure You Don't Jerk & Drive

Either nobody at the South Dakota Office of Highway Safety is paying attention, or everybody there is really, really great. Simply top notch. This winter, if you feel your automobile begin to lose its grip on the road during icy …

Celebrities Reading Mean Tweets Up the Ante

About two and a half years ago, Jimmy Kimmel premiered the first ever “Celebrities Read Mean Tweets” segment. We’re now up to #8 in the series, and this one might be the most brutal yet. Most of the time, the …

Dead, Textaholic Granny Sends Motivational Text

Everyone has their own way of coping with death and loss, and unless that coping mechanism is harmful to other, well, to each their own. If people want to grieve by texting their deceased loved ones, that’s perfectly ok. I …

Colbert Lashes Out at Google over Knowledge Graph Colbert Lashes Out at Google over Knowledge Graph

Apparently, Stephen Colbert is 5’11″ – a height that puts him on par with the likes of Brad Pitt, Richard Gere, and Orlando Bloom. Colbert’s proud of this. But there’s a problem. The jerk-offs over at Google are slandering his …

Apple Wants to Help eRase U2 from Your Memory Apple Wants to Help eRase U2 from Your Memory

Last week, Apple put U2′s new album on everyone’s iTunes library. Despite the fact that it was a “free giveaway” and stuff, people bitched about it. A lot. So many people bitched about it that Apple felt compelled to construct …

First Guy to Buy an iPhone 6 Is a Huge Butterfingers First Guy to Buy an iPhone 6 Is a Huge Butterfingers

Today’s the day for Apple fanatics. Those who chose not to pre-order the new iPhones are have been standing in lines across the world for hours – oftentimes overnight – just to get their hands on the coveted devices on …

Grandma Flash Sends You Her Love on Facebook Grandma Flash Sends You Her Love on Facebook

“Don’t push me cause I’m close to the edge, I’m tryin not to lose my head” – Grandma Rose. If your grandmother is on Facebook, there’s already a pretty good chance you’ve had a laugh or two at her expense. …

This Two-Year-Old's Ice Bucket Challenge Wins

Keep Ice Bucket Challenging, folks. It’s raised a ton of money for ALS research and it continues to provide us with some pretty great videos – either successful and clever or absolute failures. Both are funny. Keep ‘em coming. But …