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Only Duke Nukem Can Make 50 Shades of Grey Palatable

Happy Hump Day, everyone. And what better way to celebrate than with a dramatic reading of masturbatory fan fiction hit Fifty Shades of Grey? If those words just made you cringe, you’re probably not alone. But what makes this interpretation …

Toy Story 4 and Finding Nemo 2 are Rumored to Be in the Works at Pixar
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Toy Story 4 and a sequel to Finding Nemo are apparently being tossed around the offices at Pixar, according to various reports. Although it’s been several years since Andrew Stanton and Lee Unkrich’s fish-oriented endeavor enjoyed its theatrical bow, Pixar …

AT&T Joins Verizon In Charging You More For Shared Data Plans AT&T Joins Verizon In Charging You More For Shared Data Plans
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Verizon caught a lot of heat from consumers when they launched the Share Everything Plan a few months ago. Not only were they taking people off of unlimited data, but they were making them pay large fees for a very …

Emma Roberts: Which “Friend” Is She Working With?

Emma Roberts, who made her mark in the acting world with the Nickelodeon show “Unfabulous” as well as several tween movies, is moving on up in Hollywood to work with some of her idols. The newest one? A very famous …

You Won, Internets: Pitbull Is Heading To Kodiak, Alaska You Won, Internets: Pitbull Is Heading To Kodiak, Alaska
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A few weeks ago Walmart, Energy Sheets brand, and “high integrity Zumbacore sensation” Pitbull partnered for a promotional contest. The premise was simple – whichever local Walmart could garner the most likes on their Facebook page would win an appearance …

Snooki Posts Make-Up Free Photo, Asks Kelly Ripa About Crap
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Snooki fans who simply cannot get enough of the “Jersey Shore” star are having a banner week. Not only did Nicole Polizzi stop by “Live! With Kelly” to discuss pregnancy-related bowel movements, she also tweeted an image that featured her …

Banderas Griffith Rumors Spread After His Fling, Her Rehab
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Antonio Banderas and Melanie Griffith have been together quite a long time in Hollywood years–15, to be exact–and despite their loving facade, some say their marriage is falling apart. After Banderas was caught on film kissing a woman in a …

Guess Which Yahoo Search Feature Marissa Mayer Loves? Guess Which Yahoo Search Feature Marissa Mayer Loves?
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Although some have argued that to succeed, new Yahoo CEO Marissa Mayer must learn how to deal with a company whose main focus is online media, not search, that hasn’t stopped Mayer from taking to Twitter to express good things …

The Internet Gets Its Very Own Bat Signal The Internet Gets Its Very Own Bat Signal
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The Dark Knight Rises is the most anticipated superhero fim of the year. It’s kind of hard to believe that I’ll finally be able to see the end of Christopher Nolan’s excellent take on Batman this Friday. It’s going to …

Kate Beckinsale Was Almost 3-Boobed Woman
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Ask any guy in his 20′s or 30′s what the most memorable moment of the Schwarzenegger flick “Total Recall” was and he’s likely to tell you, “The three-boobed woman” with no hesitation. The film, which came out in 1990 and …

Six-Foot Lizard on the Loose in Colorado
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A six-foot lizard is on the loose somewhere within the wilds of Colorado, according to authorities. The 25-pound Nile monitor lizard somehow managed to escape its enclosure in Teller County, prompting officials to issue a warning to those with small …

Space Exploration Is The Next Frontier Of The Economy

We all want more money. Unless you have figured out the secrets of Buddhism or Taoism, money helps us achieve what we need and want. The only problem is that money isn’t easy to come by for the large majority …

Mutant Mosquito May Be The Cure For Malaria
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We brought you word yesterday that Florida residents were up in arms over a British company that intended to release genetically modified mosquitoes into the Keys region. The reason being that these mosquitoes would not be carriers of the particularly …

Voters Can Now Register Through Facebook In Washington State Voters Can Now Register Through Facebook In Washington State
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Voting is the most important right we can exercise as Americans. Regardless of your political leaning, it’s super important that you show up to the ballot boxes this November. Unfortunately, many people will skip on their most supreme responsibility for …

“Finding Nemo” Sequel Coming Our Way
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Most people of a certain age are well aware of what this line means: P Sherman 42 Wallaby Way Sydney For those of you who don’t, it’s a memorable moment from Pixar’s “Finding Nemo”, in which Dori the forgetful fish …

Bus Driver Saves Girl from Third Story Fall
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New York City Bus Driver Stephen St. Bernard was on his way home from work when he noticed a little girl standing on an air conditioning unit protruding from the third story window of an apartment building. The girl, who …

Mermaid Body Found: People Fooled by Faux Documentary Once Again
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Mermaid body found: Although the “documentary” you watched last night aired on Animal Planet, it wasn’t real. I know that’s a little confusing for some folks to grasp, especially since the program appeared on a network that usually devotes itself …

The TSA Does Not Have A Game Plan For Large Penises
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There are many men out there who wish they had a larger penis. That’s why there’s a huge market for natural supplements, pumps and a bizarre ritual involving eggs pickled in snake venom. Sometimes, having such a large specimen is …

Yahoo Reports Q2 Earnings As Marissa Mayer Takes Charge Yahoo Reports Q2 Earnings As Marissa Mayer Takes Charge

Yesterday, Yahoo announced big news as ex-Googler Marissa Mayer was tapped to be the company’s next President and CEO. Mayer, who is only 37 years old and pregnant, if definitely not your average Fortune 500 CEO. Mayer, who is credited …

Michael Clarke Duncan Still on Respirator Following Heart Attack
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Michael Clarke Duncan, the actor best known for his performances in “The Green Mile”, “Daredevil”, and “Sin City”, is still recovering from the heart attack he suffered last week, according to US Weekly. The actor, 54, has been on a …

“Star Wars”/”Call Me Maybe” Mashup Is Awkward

I’m still not real sure what the obsession is with this Carly Rae Jepsen song, or why it isn’t going away, but people dig it and as long as it’s popular, it’s going to get mashed up. Earlier today I …

Malware Is Now Going Around Posting Pictures Of You On Facebook Malware Is Now Going Around Posting Pictures Of You On Facebook
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If you have a lot of friends and spend time with said friends, you are probably tagged a lot in their photos. Facebook, being the courteous social network that it is, sends you an email saying that your friend has …

Here’s How You Fail at Robbing an Internet Cafe
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The Palms Internet Cafe in Marion County, Florida offers internet access for a reasonable fee, along with sodas, snacks, and a quiet atmosphere. But if you plan on attempting to rob it, you should be aware that its patrons are …

If You Spend a Lot of Time Online, You Probably Have a Mental Disorder
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Never mind ruining your eyesight, alienating your friends, or developing a serious Vitamin D deficiency — apparently spending too much time in front of a computer screen could lead to serious mental health disorders. According to a recent study perpetrated …