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All Posts Tagged Tag: ‘idiots’

‘Facebook Drug Task Force’ Hoax Shows Desperate Need for More Satire Tags

Last week, Facebook began reminding idiots that The Onion, as well as articles from other “satirical” sources, were in fact satire. And like a beaming white patronus in the forest of idiocy, thousands of clueless souls stepped up to provide an immediate example of why Facebook is doing this. Despite what your stoner nephew may have posted this week, Facebook …

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Facebook Is Reminding Idiots That The Onion Is Satire

Because people are generally idiots, Facebook has begun reminding people that articles from The Onion are indeed satirical, and should not be shared as serious articles replete with outrage, disgust, and general displeasure. I guess some Facebook engineer saw his friend Tiffany, once again outraged by the man that locked himself in a hot car to prove that babies and …

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Florida Man Charged with Beating Autistic Kid at Party After Video Winds Up on Facebook

An 18-year-old Okeechobee Florida resident has been arrested and charged with child abuse “without bodily harm” after police identified him in a disturbing video posted on his Facebook page. Andrew Wheeler can be seen repeatedly punching, kneeing, and dragging an unnamed 16-year-old boy in the midst of what appears to be a house party. According to police, the video was …

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Mother of the Year Films Son Setting Himself on Fire for Idiotic Challenge, Say Police

While some people have been dumping ice water on themselves to get attention on Facebook, others have been setting themselves on fire. Over the past couple of months, a disturbing and utterly moronic trend has swept across social media. It’s called the “Fire Challenge”, and it involves dousing yourself with some sort of flammable liquid and setting yourself on fire. …

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Mom Calls Police on Porn-Watching Son

In you-might-be-struggling-with-self-validation-but-you’re-definitely-a-better-parent-than-this-lunatic news, a Spartansburg, South Carolina woman called 911 when she came home to discover that her 15-year-old son had been watching porn. The Smoking Gun obtained the police report, which states that Chavonda Gallman, a real estate agent, came home with her two-year-old daughter and one of her clients. Apparently, when her daughter turned on the TV, people …

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Idiots Reportedly Called 911 When Facebook Was Down

What the hell is wrong with people? About four hours ago, Facebook went down. Like really down. Many users worldwide were unable to access the social network at all, and those who did saw a service operating at a well-below optimal level. The outage lasted for as much as an hour for some – it was pretty bad. Productivity soared. …

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Teen Threatens to Kill Everyone in Texas Town on Facebook

There are two things that teens should know about posting incendiary, possibly terroristic messages on Facebook in 2014. First, someone’s going to notice and you’re going to get caught. Also, they’re going to take that shit seriously. Meet Melissa Johnson, which isn’t her real name. Johnson is the Facebook pseudonym created by a 13-year-old Texas girl in order to bully …

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Terrible Prognosticator Posts ‘Y’all Will Never Catch Me’ on Police Facebook Page

In Anne Arundel County Florida Maryland, police are celebrating the arrest of a man who overestimated his skills of evasion. Like many police units across the country, the Anne Arundel County Police have turned to social media to help raise awareness about current cases, wanted fugitives, and other police business. The department runs a #WantedWednesday campaign, where they post photos …

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Florida Man Points Gun at Cat’s Face, Posts Pic to Facebook

Florida Man, the world’s worst superhero, is at it again! What kind of lovable hijinks is he getting into this time? Is he trying to “drive off” his drunk? Is he sending bomb threats to high schools via Facebook message? Oh. He’s putting a gun to a cat’s head? Oh damn, Florida Man. That’s weird. Don’t do that. We take …

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Leaving Your Kids in a Hot Ass Car Will Likely Get Your Windows Smashed

It seems like every summer we hear some tragic story about someone leaving their kid(s) in a sweltering car while they run an errand – or in the case of this summer’s worst thing ever, while they work for seven hours. This continues to happen despite attempts from rational folks to dissuade parents from this utterly irrational practice. This year, …

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Criminal Mastermind Forgets to Log-out of Facebook at Home He Burgled

There’s still one Hall of Fame that will accept everybody – it doesn’t matter if you’re a liar, thief, cheat, or whatever. It’s the Facebook Idiots Hall of Fame, and it’s accepting new members all the time. Today’s honoree is one Nicholas Wig, a criminal mastermind from Minnesota whose Facebook obsession will likely cost him his freedom. WCCO reports that …

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Hospital Leaked Patient’s Syphilis Diagnosis on Facebook, Claims Lawsuit

I’d imagine that being told you have an STD isn’t pleasant, but I’m pretty sure that it would be twice as awful if that news was made public – plastered all over Facebook, for instance. That’s what one Cincinnati woman is alleging in a new lawsuit. She claims that University of Cincinnati Medical Center employees posted a photo of her …

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