Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.
And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.
Today we see a high volume of tweets regarding a Kardashian’s big news and well as last night’s Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show. We also learn why redheads are glad to see November go.
Enjoy!
@God_Damn_Batman
The BatmanI’m leaving my Ferrari unlocked on the street with the keys in it. Some idiot is about to have the best and worst day of his life.
8 minutes ago via Batcomputer · powered by @socialditto
@robfee
Rob FeeA spider bites Peter Parker and he gets super powers. Bees sting Macaulay Culkin and he dies. You win some you lose some I guess. 2 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone · powered by @socialditto
@SkinnyGirlProbz
Skinny Girl ProblemsI think I feel an eating disorder coming on. #VSFashionShow #SkinnyGirlProblems 13 hours ago via Twitter for BlackBerry® · powered by @socialditto
@ConanOBrien
Conan O’BrienWhen will someone build a piano that isn’t inherently racist? 2 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@Hadzilla
Jeffrey RaymondI don’t go to the mailbox because that’s where the Responsibility Monster lives. 17 minutes ago via TweetDeck · powered by @socialditto
@robdelaney
rob delaneyI think it would be cool if everyone who calls themselves a “social media guru” were turned into food. 1 hour ago via Twitter for iPhone · powered by @socialditto
@DamienFahey
Damien FaheyI’m going to be so disgusted at Herman Cain for having a 13-year affair while being married right after I’m done being completely impressed. 1 hour ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@biorhythmist
mattWhat do you guys have on your waterboarding playlists besides Maroon 5? 26 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@JennyJohnsonHi5
Jenny JohnsonKourtney Kardashian is pregnant and I twirled in my chair 8 times without using my feet. I’ll let y’all guess what I’m more excited about. 2 hours ago via Echofon · powered by @socialditto
@BettyFckinWhite
Betty F*ckin’ WhiteThose reindeer were real tools to Rudolph. 19 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@joeschmitt
Joe SchmittKourtney Kardashian is pregnant again, which is good because Kim lost interest in her first nephew after 72 days. 5 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@BorowitzReport
Andy BorowitzA Defiant Cain Fights Back: ‘I’m Staying in this Race for the Pussy’ 52 minutes ago via Twitter for iPhone · powered by @socialditto
@garyowencomedy
Gary OwenDuke has good basketball players not great athletes means not a lot of black guys on the team. 16 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@RexHuppke
Rex HuppkeYay! Kourtney Kardashian is pregnant with another reality show! 5 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@MrPissyouoff
Harjit BhandalI’m guessing the protests are over, world hunger has been solved and the economy is fixed since everybody’s talking about #VSFashionShow. 13 hours ago via TweetDeck · powered by @socialditto
@GingerProblems
Ginger ProblemsBye November. Thanks for the sunburns. #GingerProblems 25 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto