Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.
And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.
Enjoy!
If the doctor didn’t hum the Jeopardy theme music before he gave Alex Trebek his prognosis, then he should lose his medical license.
#AnimalComedianNames Sarah Jessica Parker
I hope Snooki consults an expert prior to the birth of her baby. Does Jane Goodall make house calls? Raising baby chimpanzees is hard.
I got arrested at the Magic Mike premiere last night for dressing in costume from the movie. And also for being in a theater showing Brave.
Sadly, MIchael Jackson died 3 years ago today. Jerry Sandusky wasn’t upset, just excited to have less competition.
I’m thinking of becoming a corporation so that the Supreme Court will consider me a person. #SCOTUS
If the drunk Sam Waterson character on THE NEWSROOM doesn’t have a Twitter account by midnight, we’ve failed as a nation.
Jim Girrafigan #AnimalComedianNames.
I worry that guys who hold elevator doors open to finish conversations are going to be late for their Worse Than Hitler award ceremonies.
Take the word “amazing” away from a woman’s vocabulary & she won’t be able to describe her trip to Europe.
Larry the Stable Guy @myqkaplan#AnimalComedianNames
iPhone stopped capitalizing the word nazi. It’s finally 2012, guys.