Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.
And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.
Just called my cat, who’s heavy, “Belly Lugosi.” Now, me and two elderly woman are going to work on a Thomas Kinkade jigsaw puzzle together.
It’s so brave of Taylor Swift to name her new album “Red,” in honor of the period blood that inspired all the songs on it.
If your grandparents aren’t “all there” just give them a broken Gameboy and tell them it’s an iPad mini. They’ll be thrilled.
Intervention drinking game: Drink every time one of your family member tries to make it about them.
I’ve just watched a DVD about greed, evil, the failure of man and the cruelty caused by a ring. I hate my wedding video.
Well, Taylor Swift and the Kennedy kid broke up, I feel like she’s probably crying into a pile of kittens right now.
Breaking: Dead celebrities still make more money than you do
Riverdance must be very inspiring to people who are paralyzed from the waist up.
Politicians only kiss babies because it might be theirs.
I don’t get embarrassed when I walk into a wall. I’m proud for not backing down in an intense game of chicken.
The only reason we don’t allow voting by email is because the Crown Prince of Nigeria would walk it.
Johnny Depp to star in the directorial debut of Wally Pfister. Tim Burton last seen sobbing uncontrollably, sniffing a pile of old scarves.