Back in April, a Wu-Tang Clan-affiliated rapper named Christ Bearer, a.k.a Andre Johnson, severed his penis and jumped off a second story balcony in North Hollywood while high on PCP. Now Johnson has explained his motivation behind his self-mutilation, and revealed that he was in control of his actions at the time of the incident.

“Yes, I was using drugs that night, but I was in complete control,” Johnson told E! “I cut it off because that was the root of all my problems. My solution to the problem was the realization that sex is for mortals, and I am a god. Those kinds of activities got me into trouble, and I came here to be a god.”

Christ Bearer is a member of the rap outfit Northstar, and claims he’s been silent on the matter of his penis so far because “People perceived me as crazy, so I never wanted to speak wholeheartedly on the matter.” Interestingly, Johnson told TMZ on video early in July that his penis was reattached and works, and that he wants to appear in a porno.

Johnson went on to reveal to E! that doctors were unable to reattach anything. Scientifically, there is a 50% chance that Johnson has a penis.

Here is Christ Bearer’s video for The God:

Johnson said he was grateful to still be alive when he awoke in a hospital bed, and began visiting with a psychologist after being discharged. Johnson claims that he’s been deemed mentally okay, and commented, “I didn’t want to kill myself. That was just my response to the demons. They were doing their best to get to me, but being alive solidified my thoughts. … I’m alive, penis or no penis.”

@WPTV "Christ Bearer"? too bad for him, it never rose again.

— Markus Deux (@MarkusDeux) July 15, 2014

Phencyclidine, or PCP, is a diassociative drug with effects that include severe changes in body image, loss of ego boundaries, paranoia, depersonalization, hallucinations, euphoria, suicidal impulses and aggressive behavior.

Image via Youtube