A penis has been stolen in China, so if you’re in the area, be sure to keep an eye out for any disembodied reproductive organs in your general vicinity. Poor Fei Lin, a 41 year-old resident of Niqiao village in China’s Zhejiang province. He was just trying to sleep when a group of individuals snuck into his bedroom, stuck a bag over his head, and proceeded to remove his penis. This isn’t the sort of news item you encounter on a daily basis, so be sure to mark this one on your calendars.

According to the Daily Star, four masked men entered Fei Lin’s residence in the wee hours of the morning. Their mission: remove the penis from the man who had been sleeping with their wives. Local authorities spent quite a bit of time attempting to locate the missing body part, though they believe the intruders took said organ with them. I’m assuming they didn’t want to risk doctors being able to reattach it, so they took the member along for the ride.

“They put something over my head and pulled down my trousers and then they ran off,” Lin explained. “I was so shocked I didn’t feel a thing – then I saw I was bleeding and my penis was gone.” How he didn’t feel a thing is truly beyond my realm of comprehension.

Although Lin denies messing around with any married women, it’s highly unlikely that this penis-napping was just a stroke of bad luck. If someone goes through the trouble of breaking into your home, covering your cranium with a sack, and then hacking off an extremely sensitive part of your body, chances are you’ve offended someone during your daily adventures. I doubt this sort of thing happens randomly. At least, I sincerely hope not.