Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.
And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.
It’s pretty obvious the UFC never thought it would last this long. Who’s looking forward to tonight’s MLB 203,015 event?
Eating alone in a hotel bar during the day is a real self esteem tester.
Tampa to be declared a major disaster area next week. Also, there might be a hurricane.
I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant could also be called I Didn’t Realize I Was Retarded.
Wouldnt it be cool if Avril Lavigne and Chad Kroeger had a kid and the kid rebelled against his/her parents by becoming a talented musician?
Cinnamon Toast Crunch cereal is perfect for when you’re hungry for a bowl of freebase cocaine.
Hey girl, I want to defund Planned Parenthood. Unplanned Parenthood is just so much more whimsical.
I hope it’s true that girls eventually turn into their mothers, because this girl I just ran over has a mother who’s alive.
Instead of describing the new Facebook app as “twice as fast” we should be saying it “performs as expected”.
farmers complaining about the drought need to grow a pear.
MCDONALDS ACCUSED OF COLLECTING DATA ON KIDS! MAYOR MCCHEESE HAS GONE MAD WITH POWER! GET OUT THERE AND VOTE PEOPLE!
If you’re feeling depressed, it’s probably not gonna help knowing the Nickelback guy can afford a 14-karat diamond.