National Sandwich Day, The Dalai Lama, and Spare Ribs

Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression. And what better...
National Sandwich Day, The Dalai Lama, and Spare Ribs
Written by Josh Wolford
  • Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.

    And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.

    Today we have tweets celebrating National Sandwich Day! We also find a revealing secret about the Dalai Lama and give a little advice to the porn industry.

    Enjoy!

    I’m going to open a fast food place called ‘Chick Fil B’ that will only be open on Sundays and religious holidays. 5 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone · powered by @socialditto

    Sorry porn industry, but a 40 year old woman with pigtails and knee-high socks isn’t “barely legal”. 4 hours ago via Echofon · powered by @socialditto

    I’m a deadbeat dad to my Google+ account: I stop in three times a year, never tell it I love it, and I was blackout drunk when I created it. 3 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto

    Today is National Sandwich Day. It is also National Housewife’s Day. Coincidence? 4 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto

    Justin hits 14 million followers? What? Why is he hitting people? Who does he think he is, Chris Brown? 9 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto

    I sat through all the movie credits, but there was no extra scene at the end. #FirstWorldProblems 3 hours ago via TT Commander · powered by @socialditto

    BREAKING: Kim Kardashian has suddenly cut her Australian trip short, apparently mistaking it for a marriage. 3 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto

    When I die I want people to remember that I never once drove a car with a spoiler. 2 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto

    Judge not, lest ye be judged. Unless thou art Judge William Adams. In which case, thou art sooooooo judged. 2 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto

    It’s National Sandwich Day? I’ll have a salad, please. #hipsterproblems 3 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto

    In obits, make it unclear if the dead person is survived by people or pets: Dave is survived by Jane, Flopsy, George, and Mr. Barkelstein. 2 hours ago via HootSuite · powered by @socialditto

    For me sex is like the Saw movies. It only happens once a year, everyone leaves disappointed, & usually there’s a puppet involved. 20 minutes ago via Twitter for iPhone · powered by @socialditto

    Not sure why BBQ restaurants call them spare ribs. Pretty sure the animal needed all his ribs. 1 hour ago via web · powered by @socialditto

    I bet even the Dalai Lama has measured his penis. 1 hour ago via Twitter for iPhone · powered by @socialditto

    It’s National Sandwich Day aka Make Sexist Jokes Day. 4 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto

    If you search “Do a barrel roll” google does a barrel roll! If you search “Tracy Chapman lyrics” gmail tells your family you’re suicidal. 1 hour ago via web · powered by @socialditto

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