@kristenschaaled
Kristen SchaalI know 2 Globes that didn’t show up: Ricky Gervais’ BALLS! Not rude enough! #goldenglobes 17 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto

@_Snape_
Professor SnapeI wonder how many Horcruxes Madonna has. 19 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto

@cst_Cowley
cst_CowleyTruly sad thing about being a Packers fan today for most? With your team now done, all you have is the realization you live in Green Bay. 1 hour ago via UberSocial for BlackBerry · powered by @socialditto

@funnyordie
Funny Or DieHappy MLK Day! Reflect on how far we’ve come as a human race. Or just watch Netflix & take a nap. Both good ways to spend a Monday off. 10 minutes ago via HootSuite · powered by @socialditto

@kathrynlopez
Kathryn Jean Lopezi won’t believe Jon Huntsman is endorsing Mitt Romney until I hear it in Mandarin. 4 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto

@Rickonia
Rick The Ruler Morgan Freeman was born at the age of 48 18 hours ago via Echofon · powered by @socialditto

@hipstermermaid
braden graeber“I have a dream that one day I’ll be misquoted on twitter.” – MLK 2 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto

@DamienFahey
Damien Fahey“I have a dream…that one day people will take 7 seconds out of their lives to cut and paste one of my quotes into their status updates.” 2 hours ago via TweetDeck · powered by @socialditto

@FirstWorldLife
First World LifeMy school banned girls from wearing yoga pants. #FirstWorldProblems 26 minutes ago via iTweet for Android · powered by @socialditto

@thesulk
Alec SulkinThe fact that two Saudis with the same name were at the party was Amir coincidence. 36 minutes ago via Twitter for iPhone · powered by @socialditto

@GuyEndoreKaiser
Guy Endore-KaiserIf you’re enjoying this day off from work, please take a moment to thank all of our super racist ancestors who made it possible. 2 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto

@SamGrittner
Sam Grittner“Stop hanging your clothes on me you dirty jew!” – Closet Racist 2 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto

@BorowitzReport
Andy Borowitz“Wait, which one was Huntsman?” — Rick Perry 3 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto

@hodgman
hodgmanI wonder how many times have people without vaginas accidentally texted “Off to the gyn” instead of “off to the gym?” 5 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto