Xenu, the 75-million-year-old dictator of the “Galactic Confederacy” described in Scientology doctrine has allegedly shined his celestial light upon Orange Is the New Black star Laura Prepon, bringing her together with Scientology heavyweight Tom Cruise. The two are reportedly dating, though secretly.
Rumors of a budding relationship between the two first surfaced after it was reported that Cruise, 51, had treated Prepon, 34, to an elaborate date at Renaisssance, an eatery inside the Church of Scientology’s Celebrity Centre in Los Angeles in November. The couple was reportedly spotted again at the Renaissance, as well as at a party hosted by fellow Scientologist higher-ups John Travolta and Kelly Preston.
Having dated That ’70s Show co-star Danny Masterson for several years, Prepon is well-versed in the teachings of Xenu whisking billions of humans away from his home world, only to stagger them around Earth volcanoes to kill them using hydrogen bombs, thus trapping the essences of their souls in the atomosphere, which have formed around modern man, rendering them spiritual battered. Incidentally, within the Church of Scientology, the Xenu history is part of the church’s secret “Advanced Technology,” considered a sacred and esoteric teaching, reserved for members who have contributed large amounts of money.
Here Cruise displays his A-list charisma while hawking the virtues of Scientological power:
Prepon first went public regarding her Scientology beliefs in 2007, in an interview featured in Women’s Health, and the thrice-divorced Cruise has likely learned that a strong belief in the church is key to sustaining a lasting relationship. Cruise’s ex-wife Katie Holmes abruptly filed for divorce in 2012, after reportedly becoming concerned over daughter Suri’s involvement in the Church of Scientology.
Why reps for both actors deny any romance, perhaps it’s a match made in Teegeeack, or “Earth,” as Xenu might call it.
— Tony Hicks (@insertfoot) November 27, 2013
Prepon is presently working on season 2 of Orange Is the New Black, while Cruise is allegedly developing Top Gun 2, to reprise his iconic role as the fighter pilot Maverick.
Image via YouTube