Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.
And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.
95% of High School students could not find Uganda on a map. When shown the map, 65% of them tried to change the channel.
Peyton Manning meeting with Broncos. If this leads to Skip Bayless spontaneously combusting, John Elway should win a Nobel Prize
PUTIN RETURN TO JOB NO ONE WANT HIM TO HAVE! HE LIKE RUSSIA VERSION OF JAY LENO!
Bad news: “Disco Inferno” signer James Ellis died at age 74. Worse news: Disco Inferno, the wrestler, is still alive.
No one’s best day ever started or ended in a beanbag chair.
I hope there’s a scene in JOHN CARTER where Tim Riggins brushes back his bangs, cracks a beer and says “Mars forever, QB1. Mars forever.”
No, I won’t see John Carter ever. Nothing against the film, just bitter that Hollywood rejected my Carter-based action film, “Billy”.
Have you heard Mitt Romney’s new campaign slogan? Romney 2012: meh
The ‘Family Size’ bag of Doritos is probably the meanest way to taunt an orphan in a grocery store.
Someone should tell old couples that email addresses are free, they can each have their own.
We have enough breakfast items for the toaster now, food scientists. Move on to the car heater vent.
Sure my Facebook relationship says “It’s complicated”. That’s only because my girlfriend was written with C++ and Java