Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.
And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.
Blake Griffin joins Carson Palmer to form the Society of Gingers Who Have Made the Playoffs But Haven’t Won A Single Playoff Game.
Michele Pheiffer’s tribute to Michael Jackson, in the form of her face, is really very sweet.
My therapist says my mental issues are a result of my upbringing. I had to remind him that he’s my physical therapist & my knee hurts.
Whenever you see someone with a cell phone on their belt clip you should immediately congratulate them on having a cell phone.
BRB gonna take a little “Travolta Time-Out”
There must be a few vegetarians who just enjoy murdering vegetables.
My “neighbor” policy is: You’re the worst until proven tolerable.
If there was an award for most pessimistic, I probably wouldn’t even be nominated.
Just finished working on my Memorial Day deviled eggs. Hope they keep.
Just saw Mark Zuckerberg returning a 2-Piece Mini Cupcake Spatula Set to Crate & Barrel for .95 store credit. Must have gotten 2 of them.
The only thing worse than Monday mornings are… every other morning. I’m unemployed. Please hire me.
It was a bad idea to ask Siri, “What do women want?” She’s been talking for the last 2 days and doesn’t seem ready to shut up anytime soon.
CVS takes great pleasure in offering you coupons for things you just bought and won’t need to buy again for several weeks.
I always get babies and polaroid pictures mixed up. Which one develops faster when you shake it?
Hey, girl in a one piece, your ugly is timeless.