Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.
And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.
Storm tip: Stock up on milk and bread to fight off the lactose and gluten intolerant hoards.
For the record, I have nothing to do with the “Frankenstorm”. Thanks.
Don’t try “to” tell me how to use quotation marks.
My Hurricane Preparedness List has just one item: 1. Be on the lookout for a call from my boss telling me I don’t have to come in for work.
I queefed into my iPhone and Shazam said it was “any song by Maroon 5.”
And Jesus said to his disciples, “Loose lips sink ships. You hear me, Judas?” But Judas did not hear.
If there isn’t a service for buying Eastern European brides called Czech Mate, then we don’t deserve this planet.
Here in San Francisco thank God there aren’t any self-important tech pricks.
Attention, northeastern United States: brace yourself for a major act of Me.
The best perk of being a celebrity? I’m allowed to use 141 characters in my tweets. No, I don’t feel like proving it.