Eva Lovia has the current distinction of being the only legitimate trending topic that you might have to be in Incognito mode to click on. Not since Christy Mack and War Machine have news readers had to be so careful about checking out headlines at work.
Eva Lovia is a porn star. She is specifically billed as a DP star — a topic which we won’t penetrate even once here — but her big ambition is to go into space. No, really. Eva Lovia and Pornhub want to do a porn in space.
Don’t act like you don’t know what Pornhub is. It’s the one that does pop-ups of Ashley Madison, not LiveJasmine. (Editor note: You can’t expense this research.)
Pornhub has recruited Eva Lovia and Johnny Sins to do a porn shoot in suborbital space with a six-person crew. Apparently they are dead serious about it. They have started a crowdfunding campaign on IndieGogo to fund it to the tune of $3.4 million.
To entice funders to pony up the donations, PornHub produced a video with Eva Lovia (see below; it’s sorta-SFW) for the campaign. As usual, they offer perks for funders.
$1 gets you a certificate.
$10 gets you a day-early viewing of the video
$20 gets a video chat with Eva Lovia and Johnny Sins
$25 gets an HD copy of the video
$50 gets a one-week subscription to Johnny Sins website
$100 gets a swag bag and t-shirts
$200 gets a hand-signed copy of the video
$500 gets a signed photo of Eva Lovia and Johnny Sins, plus a shoutout during filming, shown in the blooper reel
$1000 gets a phone call from Johnny Sins or Eva Lovia
$5000 gets a private lunch date with Eva Lovia or Johnny Sins
$10,000 gets to in to the launch party and your name in the credits
$20,000 you get to map out a scene, including positions, dialogue, etc.
$30,000 gets your branding on the space suits in the film
$50,000 you get props (real props) from the spacefaring film set
$150,000 you get one of the two spacesuits worn by Eva Lovia or Johnny Sins
Each perk slot has a nickname. The highest three are Apollo 69, Black Hole, and Uranus, respectively.
When your uber driver is asking all the personal questions and you're like THEY KNOW! How about you don't ask what I do because we both know
— Eva Lovia® (@MissEvaLovia) June 3, 2015
Mashable points to that there are many obstacles to this space tryst ever getting off the ground, particularly when it comes to getting a ride there. But that’s just a matter of time and cash. The real question is, what happens during and after sex in zero gravity?
The Daily Mail says there are a few real considerations to having sex in space, to say nothing of shooting the scenes.
Paul Root Wolpe — yes, that’s his middle name — a senior bioethicist at Nasa, says the release of bodily fluids could also cause some problems in microgravity.
Then there’s the erection problem. In space, blood tends to rise to the chest and head, as opposed to riding gravity down to you-know-where.
What if poor Johnny Sins gets up there and can’t plant the flag? Might we then see the effects of Viagra in space?
If Eva Lovia uses lube, will it be as difficult as astronauts using toothpaste?
Let’s hope they don’t opt for any golden shower scenes.
Here’s that Eva Lovia video. Don’t miss the part where she asks, with a straight face, “Who else can say they were the first porn stars in space?” Perhaps the definition of “first” is fuzzy.
Also, please excuse the crappy audio that Pornhub settled for. Maybe this is the Low Resolution version and the HD version is for subscribers only.