Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.
And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.
Enjoy!
How do you tell if someone has the new iPhone 5? Don’t worry, they’ll let you know…
“Oh, I just can’t sleep past 8 o’clock” -future strangling victim
Tough break for Jay Cutler.. His iPhone 5 preorder was just intercepted by the Packers defense
When life gives you lemons, be thankful it’s just lemons. Life could have shot both your parents in a dirty alley when you were 8.
“Okay Harry, for your September 15th birthday, I am going to make everyone forget about your Vegas pictures.” -Kate Middleton
There’s nothing worse than finding the work bathroom empty when you don’t need to take a shit.
Dear non-Americans who can’t get Netflix, I’m sorry. Take solace in lower crime rates, healthier food and no Jersey Shore.
Let us take to the streets and set fire to our cities to protest this film’s depiction of our people as violent and irrational!
You just know that when Bilbo Baggins was a kid the other kids called him “Dildo Faggins”
Jay Cutler has seen more sacks than Kim Kardashian
Ladies! Don’t forget to hydrate up today to get ready for a busy weekend of drunken crying!
Drank 32 oz. soda and now moving on to heroin.
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