Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.
And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.
Just got a prescription for medicinal bath salts.
If the doctor didn’t hum the Jeopardy theme music before he gave Alex Trebek his prognosis, then he should lose his medical license.
#AnimalComedianNames Sarah Jessica Parker
I hope Snooki consults an expert prior to the birth of her baby. Does Jane Goodall make house calls? Raising baby chimpanzees is hard.
I got arrested at the Magic Mike premiere last night for dressing in costume from the movie. And also for being in a theater showing Brave.
Sadly, MIchael Jackson died 3 years ago today. Jerry Sandusky wasn’t upset, just excited to have less competition.
I’m thinking of becoming a corporation so that the Supreme Court will consider me a person. #SCOTUS
If the drunk Sam Waterson character on THE NEWSROOM doesn’t have a Twitter account by midnight, we’ve failed as a nation.
Jim Girrafigan #AnimalComedianNames.
I worry that guys who hold elevator doors open to finish conversations are going to be late for their Worse Than Hitler award ceremonies.
Take the word “amazing” away from a woman’s vocabulary & she won’t be able to describe her trip to Europe.
iPhone stopped capitalizing the word nazi. It’s finally 2012, guys.