The world of exotic dancing is fascinating to many, mostly because of its perceived glamor and sleek anonymity. Perhaps that’s why it has been the subject of so many films, displaying the dimly-lit clubs in which dancers make their living and giving viewers an inside look at what they’re like.
And while some movies overdo it just a bit as far as what’s believable for entertainment value, we can’t fault them for that. Plus, it means we get to see intimate parts of our favorite stars (whether we like it or not). And so, for your viewing pleasure, here are five thespians shakin’ their money makers in outrageous ways.
Elizabeth Berkley, “Showgirls”
I know Elizabeth–known to many as Jessie Spano from “Saved By The Bell”–has gotten a lot of flack for this film, which has some of the worst writing, acting, and choreography in film history…so I won’t be too hard on her. To be fair, upon seeing the poster for this movie I was sort of excited about it; I think a lot of people were. That’s why we were hugely, insanely disappointed when it actually came out. I have since made my peace with it and have actually embraced it’s awfulness, mostly because Nomi Malone is such a crazy hot mess that she makes it hard to look away. Plus, she says things like “Thanks, I bought it at Ver-sayce” when complimented on her Versace dress. I’m not even going to touch the “doggy chow” conversation she has with Gina Gershon’s character over lunch.
It was hard to choose just one outrageous scene from this flick–trust me–so I chose the one that grosses me out the most. There’s just something not sexy about watching a girl lick several other girls’ booty juice off a pole. Maybe it’s just me.
Burt Reynolds, “Striptease”
I get that Demi Moore is mega-hot in this movie, but she seems to only attract weirdos, not the least of which is a congressman–played by Reynolds–who likes to get kinky with her dryer lint. Ew.
Jessica Alba, “Sin City”
Alba is sexy here, no doubt, but what kind of stripper doesn’t take her clothes off? Also, she’s not so much “dancing” as she is “spinning in circles whilst tossing a lasso around”. Which is fine, don’t get me wrong. But she could have shown a lot more skin.
Lindsay Lohan, “I Know Who Killed Me”
Just…there are no words.
Everyone involved, “Zombie Strippers”
I watched this visual treat because the hubs and I dig horror flicks, even if they are super cheesy (especially if they’re cheesy), but honestly, I don’t remember much about it other than Jenna Jameson grimacing for the camera with her skeletal frame on full display. If you like laughing at bad acting, check it out. If you like zombie bewbs, go right ahead. Otherwise, take it off the Netflix queue and move on to something good, like “Piranha 3D”.