WebProNews

I think before the robots take over everything and use us for batteries, it will appear that humans have hyper-evolved into mechanically enhanced super-sapiens. But that's really just to build false confidence in us. A recent Microsoft patent application is perhaps the next step toward that digitally created human battery soup dream.

They'll likely make use of the friggin' paperclip*, who appears on whichever screen you're using and says: "It looks like you're having a nervous breakdown, and that's bad for production. Bob's pretty good at this kind of thing. I'll ask him to give you a hand."

The Friggin' Paperclip is aware you're having trouble, according to the patent app, because it evaluates "one or more physiological or environmental sensors to detect at least one of heart rate, galvanic skin response, EMG, brain signals, respiration rate, body temperature, movement, facial movements, facial expressions, and blood pressure."

Yes, brain signals. The Friggin' Paperclip will detect your brain signals. It can do so from a desktop computer, a laptop, cell phone, pocket PC phone, PDA, or compact handheld PC.

It judges all those things to decide if and when "the target user" (do we have to use the word "target?") is having trouble with a target activity, and combines user activity data that has been aggregated such as "current activity, experience with the target activity, interruptibility, skill level, priority of current activity compared to priority of the target activity, cost, and success rate with the target activity."

But wait, it gets better. The Friggin' Paperclip is also monitoring these things in coworkers and knows their "experience with the target activity or certain aspects of the target activity, availability (e.g. free time, schedule open, proximity, or location), social distance from the target user, work patterns and interruptibility, success/failure history with respect to the target activity, cost, current state, current activity, and/or performance rating for the target activity or for activities related or similar to the target activity," and will ask them to help. 

Or it can just provide the target user with a hyperlink. 

So there you have it. No more daydreaming at work. The Friggin' Paperclip will know you're thinking about your boss's daughter. Hmmm. Which color pill am I supposed to take again?

_{*This is not meant to be taken literally. Nowhere in the patent application does it mention the use of the animated paperclip.}