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Smoothies, The Facebook IPO, and Strippers

Today's Funniest Tweets

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Smoothies, The Facebook IPO, and Strippers
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Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.

And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.

Enjoy!

I don’t want to spook the market, but one of my friends hasn’t logged into Facebook for like 45 minutes.
40 minutes ago via Twitter for Mac · powered by @socialditto
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The most hilarious two minutes in comedy has to be roll call at a Beverly Hills kindergarten.
54 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto
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Pre-G8 conference call. Agreed to nick as many of @BarackObama‘s expensive toiletries and fluffy bathrobes as we can manage.
2 hours ago via Twitter for BlackBerry® · powered by @socialditto
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Official #Facebook IPO slogan: “You’ve already wasted your time on Facebook. Now waste your money.”
18 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
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Its really hard to look depressed while you’re drinking a smoothie.
1 hour ago via TweetCaster for Android · powered by @socialditto
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A teenager found part of a finger in an Arby’s sandwich. He said he became suspicious when he tasted something that seemed like real meat.
51 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto
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It’s a shame that Michael Vick beat & drown pitbulls and not Pitbull.
3 days ago via web · powered by @socialditto
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If I get an email from an AOL address I assume it’s from a ghost.
1 hour ago via Echofon · powered by @socialditto
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Just found out on Facebook that a really good friend of mine “can’t believe it’s only Thursday.” Please RT.
1 hour ago via Echofon · powered by @socialditto
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Do you think Michael Vick will play any Three Dog Night at his wedding?
1 hour ago via TweetCaster for Android · powered by @socialditto
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Pinterest is a great place to look at shit you can’t afford and shit you’ll never do.
1 minute ago via TweetCaster for Android · powered by @socialditto
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These days, most people only know Emily Dickinson’s poetry from reading strippers’ tattoos.
2 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
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Amber Alert would be a badass name for a stripper.
2 hours ago via Echofon · powered by @socialditto
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Smoothies, The Facebook IPO, and Strippers
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