Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.
And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.
It's National Margarita Day! Who wants to salt my rim?
Today is Ash Wednesday, the joyous day upon which we celebrate the life of Ash Ketchum and make vows to catch ‘em all in the coming year.
Live each day like it's National Margarita Day. Actually, don't. That's alcoholism. Today only, live like it's National Margarita Day.
When National Margarita Day falls on Ash Wednesday, does it mean Catholics must give up Jimmy Buffett for Lent? That shouldn't be too hard.
Ash Wednesday is the day we all get together and watch the Evil Dead movies, right?
Pop Warner has announced they'll start using NFL rules in order to better protect their kids from injury.
@KimKardashian: I'm such a mix between Charlotte and Carrie!I'd say you're more of a mix between an Ewok and a hooker. RT
Texting for beginners: STFU = Shut the fuck up. LOL = Shut the fuck up. LMAO = Shut the fuck up. ROFL = Shut the fuck up.
“Grandpa, grandpa! Tell us again about the time you whittled a 189 character idea down to a perfect 140 character tweet!”
"Don't steal, don't kill, put some stuff on your forehead, maybe sometimes don't eat meat? Look, I'm clearly running out of ideas here" -God
I'm dorky enough to know that there's an Orc who looks like Alice Cooper in "The Two Towers".
I just had a cup of coffee so terrible that Stephenie Meyer is writing a series of books about it.
Newt Gingrich's hair looks like it was cut by a right-handed dude using left-handed safety scissors.