Justin Bieber Officially Retires

    December 26, 2013
    Alex Williams
    Comments are off for this post.

T’was the night before Christmas, all calm on the net. Not a pop star was twerking with future regret.

Justin Bieber posted on Twitter, his retirement there, in hopes that all of his fans would still care.

“My beloved beliebers” he typed with his thumbs, as he gleefully smiled, his face full of dumb.

“I’m officially retiring” he finished his tweet, a million warmed hearts knowing Bieber’s retreat.

On Christmas Eve, Justin Bieber took to his Twitter and announced that he was officially retiring.

Mr. Bieber also went on to mention that the media paints an inaccurate and bastardized version of him. In the follow up posts on his twitter feed, he mentioned how his new documentary titled “Believe” was coming out on Christmas day and asked all of his fans to brings their families to see the movie. Could the “retirement” just be a means to hype himself up before an inevitable childhood popstar decline?

Was it due to the backlash of when he peed in that sanitation bucket? How about when he spit on his fans? Perhaps the final draw for Mr. Bieber was when science discovered that he was unoriginal and sucked. There are way too many incidents of controversy surrounding the 5′ 7″ pop star.

Could this be this be one of the greatest Christmas presents for all non-beliebers out there?

Well, sadly, maybe it’s not the case. Beiber assured his many Beliebers that he would remain in their lives forever.

Some speculate that Bieber posted these tweets as means to raise awareness for his “Believe” documentary. That, and, perhaps the idea of lying to your fans about retirement may just perk their interest more in wanting you to stay. That way you can just change your mind about retiring later and come back after a few months or so.

According to E! Online, Bieber’s manager Scooter Braun told Ryan Seacrest on December 18th that he wanted Justin to take a year off after his “Believe” documentary comes out.

“I’m telling him after this movie, I want him to take next year off and just take a break,” Scooter said. “He can still live in the studio and work on the next album, which is what he wants to do, but I just want him to take some time to himself, so he can have that time alone cause he’s been working since he was 12 years old.”

Is beliebing it all a lie?

Pictures via Facebook

  • We Aren’t That Lucky

    Ah …. really? As much as I would love this to be true, I highly doubt it is. The man makes millions having freaking fun. He would not give that up at the age of what…..? How old is the kid? 19? Yeah, make millions, travel the world, sleep with hot women, and basically do whatever he wants ….. yep…. rough life. Makes me want to retire. It makes my 60 hour a week factory job seem so easy.

    I find all this stuff to be so fake. You ever see the girls at these concerts? They go crazy and it is so fake! Jonas Brothers… Miley Cyrus (Hannah Montana) …. Beiber …. they make a fortune of the stupidity of young girls. Many privileged and clueless American girls. Then the very same girls will get mad when they find out it is all fake. You remember the short lived promise ring fiasco? You had tons of slutty girls faking being pure. Half were wearing the ring while they were screwing! Never hear about that anymore do you. In fact, South Park did a very funny show on that, but it was so true. All this Hollywood stuff is so full of shit.

    We simply aren’t that lucky enough to see Beiber retire. We are cursed to have him around for a lot longer …. it is kind of like the Kardahians…. they will never go away …. they are kind of a sign of the impending apocalypse … and then the whore of Babylon rose out of the sea ….. nah I think they got that wrong in the bible….. it is actually whores from Calabasas California … and they made sex tapes and bad reality shows.

    • Alex Williams

      As I was typing up this article, David Bowie’s “Fame” just started playing in my head.

      Kids are the biggest consumers, and seeing other kids doing what they want (albeit, orchestrated by adults) gives them some sort of false empowerment, at times.

      I loved that South Park episode btw. “Mr. Mouse.”

      “Wh*** of Babylon” – great reference haha. That made me chuckle.