Holly Madison Reveals Suicidal Thoughts, Drug Use At Playboy Mansion In New Memoir

Lacy LangleyLife

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Holly Madison is shining some light on the dark underbelly of life in the Playboy Mansion.

In Holly Madison's new memoir, called Down the Rabbit Hole: Curious Adventures and Cautionary Tales of a Former Playboy Bunny, she details how her life as Hefner's number one bunny wasn't always glitter and bunny tails.

Holly Madison said that life as one of Hefner's girlfriends was portrayed as "incredibly glamorous", but Madison says instead the bunnies were "vacant" and going through the motions.

Holly Madison claims she was even pitted against her fellow bunnies, making life there dramatic and lonely.

It was so lonely, in fact, that Holly Madison says she even thought about ending her life.

Bet ya wanna know what context I said this in! link to pre order in bio! #DownTheRabbitHole

A photo posted by Holly Jean Madison (@hollymadison) on

Holly Madison recalled how she was in the bathtub one night in 2002 thinking, "If I just put my head under water and take a deep breath in, it would all be over."

She even wondered, "Would anyone even miss me?"

Photo by @manfredbaumann

A photo posted by Holly Jean Madison (@hollymadison) on

She added, "Maybe it was the pot and the alcohol, but drowning myself seemed like the logical way to escape the ridiculous life I was leading."

Holly Madison also detailed the extremes that Hugh Hefner would go through to manipulate her into staying.

In her book, Holly Madison told of their first meeting.

She wrote, "'Would you like a Quaalude?' Hef asked, leaning toward me with a bunch of large horse pills in his hands, held together by a crumpled tissue. Hef did not miss a beat: 'Okay, that's good,' he said, nonchalantly. 'Usually, I don't approve of drugs, but you know, in the '70s they used to call these pills thigh openers.'"

Class act, all the way.

Will you be reading Holly Madison's new book? It will be released June 23rd.

Lacy Langley
Lacy is a writer from Texas. She likes spending time in the home office, homeschooling her kids, playing the didgeridoo, caring for her chickens (Thelma and Louise), Rolos, Christmas, and Labyrinth.