Chuck Norris Turned 74 and is Still Tougher Than You

    March 10, 2014
    Heather Vecchioni
    Comments are off for this post.

The world paid homage today to one of the biggest bad-asses of our time, Chuck Norris. The actor and all-around tough guy turned 74 today, but can still knock you out, blindfolded, and with his hands tied around his back.

Known for his roles in Lone Wolf McQuade, Delta Force, and Good Guys Wear Black, Norris is most often seen gracing the Internet in a variety of different memes with hilarious sayings. He is also known for being a staunch Republican who backs a number of right-wing causes and candidates.

Norris began his notoriety as one of the biggest action film stars in Hollywood, and in 1990 became the first martial artist in the Western hemisphere to become an 8th degree black belt grandmaster in Tae Kwon Do. Like I said, he will lay the smack down on you.

Through a fierce combo of roundhouse kicks and straight-arm punches, Norris found his way into the homes – and hearts – of just about every action movie fan in America. Things got even more real when Norris began incorporating his martial arts mastery with heavy duty weapons in movies like Forced Vengeance and Missing in Action. One of his most recent popular works is his role in Walker, Texas Ranger.

However, through the web, Norris has become the king of the one-liners. People who don’t even know Chuck Norris, know of Chuck Norris because of these clever and hilarious jokes.

Watch Chuck Norris read some of them, here:

And here are a few others:

“Chuck Norris died twenty years ago. Death just hasn’t built up the courage to tell him yet.”

“When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.”

“Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until they give him the information he wants.”

“Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.”

“Chuck Norris once made a Happy Meal cry.”

“Some people wear superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.”

And last but not least…

“If Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks you, even Google won’t be able to find you.”

Even Twitter got in on the Norris one-liners today:

Happy birthday, Mr. Norris. Remember, you’re not happy to be 74, 74 is happy to be you.

Image via YouTube

  • Michael Hill

    He is so tough that everywhere he goes he has armed bodyguards with him.

    • Zeus

      Michael Hill, Chuck Norris will round house kick those stupid glasses off your face!

    • Sydney S

      Sweet Mike: will the body guards prevent you from raping me?

    • http://www.174ahc.org/ Dale Cordell

      Mikey boy… and I emphasize BOY… get a life, stfu, go dig a hole & jump in and die. Idiots like you are just haters looking for someone to criticize so you can make yourself feel big.

  • Drake

    Chuck is the man….he never let success go to his head!!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, CHUCK, AND MANY MORE TO COME!!!!

  • Richard Christiansen

    May you have many, many more!!

  • The Dude

    A bridge will never be named after chuck Norris, cause no one crosses chuck Norris!

  • Al Kraus

    He back Republicans because Democrats are girly men!

  • adam

    i am 30, in decent shape, chuck Norris would kick my ass still at 74

  • Rich Ogle

    Chuck is tough. Anyone thinking otherwise must be in the “er”.

    • DLKeith

      What is the “er?” This might become a funny joke.

      • stephen

        emergency room…

      • Is_Sense_Common

        He means tougher instead of tough. (Right?)

  • jimwilson81

    I heard Chuck Norris knocked out Batman and SUPERMAN! Happy Birthday, Chuck.

  • samailadlang

    He needs a better-looking toupee for his birthday. The one he’s been wearing the last decade looks terrible on him. Get good tips from Elton John.

    • thm4855

      who is Elton?
      ThM – Norway.

  • Texas Turd Floater

    Chuck Norris kicked Michael Hill so hard, his name is now Michael Valley…

  • thm4855

    ” Happy Birthday ” Chuck Norris !!!
    ThM – Norway.

  • SuperDave

    Michael, those bodyguards are there to protect the public from Chuck. Much like his sun glasses protect the sun from his eyes . . .

  • Garrett McElveen

    Chuck Norris once roundhoused a man in the face so hard that his grandchildren are now born with horrible migraines. Happy Birfday Chuck. May 75 fear your coming and every year after.

  • lotusracing

    A True Role Model. Thanks

  • donaldogomez

    It is a good thing he is bad, cuz in the toupee department, he looks like an insecure book keeper auditioning for a dancing role in The Pajama Game. The Phillipines are full of 18 year old girls who can kick his ass

    • fred

      I can’t believe all the haters. Is the dude talking about the 18 year old girls speaking from experience? Probably all a bounch of pot bellied porkers doing 12 oz curls and punching channel changers

  • Boyd

    “… who backs a number of right-wing causes and candidates.”

    No, he backs Conservative causes. That’s not the same thing as right wing except to those who would never in a million years refer to a Democrat as backing Left wing causes.

  • Is_Sense_Common

    Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked water and caught it on fire. I made this one up!