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Being Single Is A Poor Defense When Caught Behind The Neighbor’s Cow With Your Pants Down

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It sucks being single. You find yourself looking at every couple with nothing but jealousy and regret at your own miserable situation. At that point, you either have to suck it up and find yourself a partner; or you could always take after Jackson Kiruga and relieve your stress on the neighbor’s cow.

Standard Media reports that Kiruga, a resident of Nyeri county, Kenya, was caught engaging in “an unnatural act” with his neighbor’s cow. As you can imagine, his neighbor, Ann Wanjiru, wasn’t exactly happy to find her cow in his embrace.

Kiruga pled guilty to the charges, but he did list two reasons behind the act. He first said that he was under a lot of stress as he had to manage the family farm after his father died. He also “claimed that his status as a bachelor led him to commit the act.”

What?

Look, I know what it’s like to be single. I’ve been single for 24 years. That doesn’t mean that you should go around having your way with the neighbor’s livestock. Hell, you shouldn’t do it even if you’re trying to get back at a former lover.

In short, it’s never cool to go around having sex with the neighbor’s animals. Even the most ineligible of bachelors can find that special someone if they try hard enough.

Instead of looking for that special someone, Kiruga will now spend the next 14 years in prison with a 52-year-old man that was sentenced to life on the same day for having sex with his 8-year-old daughter. It’d be a regular three’s company if they were joined by the guy who had sex with his employer’s donkey.

Being Single Is A Poor Defense When Caught Behind The Neighbor’s Cow With Your Pants Down
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