Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.
And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.
Enjoy!
The cricket iPhone 4S aint go have siri that hoe go have shaquitia
It’s only a Zombie Apocalypse to the living. To zombies, it’s Human Brain Christmas.
I hope people remember that Mike Tyson was eating human flesh long before zombies became popular. Ahead of his time.
John Edwards gets off. #NailedIt
The tragedy of John Edwards is that he ran for President when he should’ve just joined the Secret Service.
Saving Private Ryan From Bad Food Decisions#BloombergMovieTitles
“Whatever. I’ve eaten human face meat before. Overrated.” — Anthony Bourdain, hearing about the Miami cannibal
The Sugar-Free Grape Sodas of Wrath #BloombergMovieTitles
Kathie Lee Gifford just asked Liam Neeson how his wife was.
My city was so poor growing up that Planned Parenthood was just a bicycle without a seat.
If you’re under 45 and don’t answer my text within an hour, I’m going to go ahead and assume you either hate me or are dead.
Quitting ‘words with friends’ and going back to heroin.
How old do you have to be before you can lick your thumb to help turn pages?