Wayne Brady may seem like a happy go lucky guy, but he recently admitted that he struggles with depression. He recently told Entertainment Tonight that he has struggled with the illness for years but was afraid to come forward with his struggles because he feels pressured to be happy and funny all of the time.
“People are like, ‘Wayne Brady’s always happy!'” he said. “No I’m not. Because I’m human.”
“Having a bad day is one thing, having a bad week is another, having a bad life … You don’t want to move, you can’t move in the darkness,” he added. “You’re like, ‘I am just going to sit right here and I want to wallow in this. As much as it hurts, I am going to sit right here because this is what I deserve. This is what I deserve, so I am going to sit here because I am that horrible of a person.'”
He went on to explain how depression works and feels and said that it was like a vicious cycle that he just couldn’t break.
“It starts this cycle where you tell yourself these lies … and those lies become true to you,” he says. “So, you stick to your own truth you’ve set up. ‘If I am this bad, then why should any of this matter?’ I feel at that point, you end up wanting to stop the pain.”
— ABC News (@ABC) November 5, 2014
He also shared the point that he knew he had to make a change and what he considers the breaking point in his life.
“I was there by myself, in my bedroom and I had a complete breakdown … Just go ahead and imagine for yourself a brother in his underwear, in his room, you got snot … and that birthday was the beginning of, ‘OK, I’ve got to make a change.'”
He said that he had a lot of help from his friends and family and especially from his ex-wife. He said that now that he is being treated for the disorder, he feels better and knows that he is a better friend and father to his 11-year-old daughter.
He also offered some advice to other people who are suffering from depression and don’t know what to do about it.
“It took me a while to get my stuff together to go, ‘You know what? If you’re not happy, you have to do something about it,'” he said. “Just to admit that you are feeling this way is a huge step. To claim that, to say, ‘Why do I feel dark? Why do I feel unhappy? Let me do something about this.'”