Tyra Banks recently opened up about wanting a child with photographer boyfriend Erik Asla, and that she is undergoing IVF treatments. The 41-year-old America’s Top Model host was candid in a recent interview about some of what she has experienced thus far.

“When I turned 40, the one thing I was not happy about is that I did not have kids,” she said. “I’m like, ‘Damn, the clock is ticking!'”

“Since I was 24, I used to say every year, ‘I will have kids in three years,'” she added. “I kept saying it over and over again. Because my business is very entrepreneurial. I’m not for hire, so I have to do everything. I kept trying to find that time for that to happen.”

Tears flowed for Tyra Banks as she talked about some of the frustrations and the pain.

Tyra Banks opens up about her fertility struggles: 'You don't know what I'm going through' http://t.co/EELGiZ4LQQ pic.twitter.com/kMNiHLhH3j

— The Root (@TheRoot) September 17, 2015

“I’ve had some not happy moments with that, very traumatic moments,” she explained. “It’s difficult as you get older. It’s not something that can just happen.”

Even though Tyra Banks didn’t come right out and say it, some likely wonder if the trauma she experienced was in the form of one or more miscarriages. It isn’t unusual for women undergoing IVF treatments to become pregnant and then miscarry the implanted embryos.

Despite the pain and whatever specific traumas Tyra Banks has endured, her outlook is a positive one.

“I hope [for kids], she says. “I don’t just want one child. I want a litter! And I want to be the kind of mom where my child can come to me for anything.”

Hopefully one day soon, Tyra Banks will see her dream come true.