Time to toss out the old calendar. There’s nothing quite like the feeling of hanging a fresh cat calendar with new digits staring back at you, empty blocks of excitement and possibility waiting for penciled in appointments and events.

Unless, of course, your smartphone calendar just advances on its own. In which case, one month rolls seamlessly on into the next, much like our behaviors.

Here are 3 things almost everyone swears they will change this year. Unless you’re skinny, you see yourself in this list.

Lose Weight

America’s obesity rate is growing so fast, one wonders if buildings and elevators built before 1980 may have to be reassessed for occupancy weight load rates. We swear up and down on January 1 that this is going to be the year we start using that Thigh Master, dust off that Atkins Diet book, reinstall that daily weigh-in app we deleted to make room for Pickup Sticks With Friends.

What most people actually end up doing is buying one more thing that promises to be the magic device that will melt off the pounds. Even those who know that the simple calories-in-calories-out formula is the only thing that has ever worked find some way to link their lack of success to a lack of willpower, procrastination issue, or childhood moment of bullying. That turns a weight loss problem into a personal development problem. Which brings us to …

Get Your Act Together

Set goals, keep a dream journal, attend workshops, listen to those bit-torrented Tony Robbins mp3s, download The Secret. One of these things has got to work. Kudos to anyone who realizes that the only thing standing in the way of you and your dreams … is you. If you decipher where to go with that epiphany, let us know. There is a blog site with accompanying information product download just waiting for you to press Launch and collect your riches.

Keep a Budget

You have a Mint account. You get emails from Mint, telling you your weekly bank balance on an account you haven’t had since that overdraft incident 2 years ago put your butt on ChexSystems.

Now you’re paying your bills with a Green Dot card, telling your friends that it’s your protest against Big Banks. Fact is, unless Chase comes up with a Fourth Chance Checking, that Dave Ramsey cash envelope system is the only choice you’ve got. Might as well use what you’ve got. Now all you have to do is order some of those Dave Ramsey Envelope System cards. And for that you need to put some money on your Green Dot card.

Rinse. Repeat.

Image via Thinkstock