The New iPad, Solar Flares, and Stop Kony

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Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.

And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.


Updated @ATT iPhone4S to iOS 5.1 & now it says 4G which is nice cuz I've always wanted 2 b unable 2 connect 2 the internet at a higher speed(image) 1 hour ago via TweetDeck ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

I was blown away by how realistic the raindrops on the new iPad wallpaper looked until I realized they were actually a Chinese child's tears(image) 1 hour ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

If everyone really wants to #StopKony we should all just make our twitter pics green again. I mean, it fixed everything in Iran 2 years ago(image) 2 hours ago via TweetDeck ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Sending someone a msg on MySpace is like cooking a meal and tossing it out the window(image) 16 minutes ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Journalists: if you think the new iPad was disappointing, you should try covering RIM's product announcements.(image) 4 hours ago via Tweetbot for iOS ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Hopefully this solar flare will burn my retna's before I look at that pregnant Jessica Simpson picture again.(image) 5 hours ago via TweetCaster for Android ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

The media is clearly working for the Empire, telling you all it's a solar flare and not the Death Star testing its laser.(image) 5 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

The Cleveland Browns announcing they are not pursuing Peyton Manning is like Snooki announcing she's not pursuing George Clooney.(image) 4 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

It's International Women's Day, or as Rush Limbaugh calls it Slursday.(image) 5 hours ago via TweetDeck ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

The New iPad announced and a million Smeagols turn into Gollums.(image) 19 hours ago via Tweetlogix ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

I'm so constipated, the doctor just showed me my poop's heartbeat and gender.(image) 54 minutes ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

SXSW is basically just Coachella for people who shower.(image) 1 hour ago via Twitter for Android ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

I just witnessed a woman sneeze so hard her bra unsnapped. Take that Atheists!(image) 2 hours ago via Facebook ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

If there's anything Joseph Kony fears most, it's Americans changing their profile pictures.(image) 2 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

You should never use the word "nutsacky" when describing how a newborn baby feels.(image) 3 hours ago via Echofon ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Josh Wolford
Josh Wolford is a writer for WebProNews. He likes beer, Japanese food, and movies that make him feel weird afterward. Mostly beer. Follow him on Twitter: @joshgwolf Instagram: @joshgwolf Google+: Joshua Wolford StumbleUpon: joshgwolf

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