The Masters, Beyonce, and The Civil War

Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression. And what better...
The Masters, Beyonce, and The Civil War
Written by Josh Wolford
  • Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.

    And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.

    Enjoy!

    Before Augusta accepts women maybe they ought to get rid of the name Masters.(image) 1 hour ago via HootSuite ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Beyonce isn’t REALLY on Tumblr until she starts reblogging Community GIFs.(image) 6 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Now that Kanye is dating Kim he’s found a bush that DOES care about black people(image) 1 hour ago via Echofon ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Sure, Google glasses looks cool, but I’m holding out for the Zune monocle(image) 7 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    In breaking news, Charles Manson has selected Nancy Grace to represent him in his parole hearing next week. “I love the evil in her eyes.”(image) 4 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Interesting Sports Fact: when the Chicago Cubs start 1-0 or 0-1 they have gone on to not win a World Series for the past 103 years.(image) 1 hour ago via Twitter for Android ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Remember the game where you would take turns yelling, “Penis!” in public? Life was so simple before 9/11.(image) 1 hour ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    I think when Jesus died for our sins, he wasn’t fully aware of some of the shit we’d be getting into.(image) 1 hour ago via Echofon ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Oh, you’re in 8th grade & you get drunk every night? Please share it with Facebook so everybody can see what a bright future you have.(image) 6 minutes ago via Twuffer ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Shhhhh. Masters golfers are trying to putt.(image) 3 hours ago via TweetDeck ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Pretty cool that Beyonce’s publicist finally joined Twitter!(image) 5 minutes ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    WOMAN GO TO JAIL FOR DRIVE AND TEXT WITH BABY ON LAP! CAN YOU IMAGINE THAT? SHE COULD HAVE SPELL WORD WRONG!(image) 9 minutes ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    A new report says the Civil War death toll is actually 20% higher. Especially in parts of the South where it’s still going on.(image) 27 minutes ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Jim Marshall, inventor of the Marshall amp has died. His funeral begins at 1 and it goes to 11.(image) 1 hour ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

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