Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.
And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.
Someone should tell dudes who pay dominatrixes to belittle them that the Apple Genius Bar is completely free.
Everyone wearing sunglasses is looking at you.
hey parents instead of naming your daughter mercedes you should just go with penis-trampoline
The Americans put a beach buggy on Mars. We can’t get a hippo out of a swimming pool without killing it.
Randy Travis has gone Honey Badger.
Started a game of hide and seek with my dad 20 years ago haha he’s the best where are you man
The shittiest people in Las Vegas. RT @KhloeKardashian: Who’s coming to see me at Kardashian Khaos at The Mirage in Las Vegas tomorrow?!?
Nothing sounds sweeter than the sound of someone not playing the bongos.
Now that Lance Armstrong’s been accused of taking drugs, I’m starting to doubt his story that he was the first man on the moon.
I’ve always preferred performance inhibiting drugs.
I know more about Lance Armstrong’s balls than I do about Mitt Romney’s tax returns.
Thanks to whoever taught me how to play Stairway to Heaven in my dream. Now I just need to find a guitar made of crab meat & prime numbers.