Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.
And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.
Enjoy!
Pretty sure the vibration of my iPhone is all I’d need to hear in order to wake up from a coma.
So Fab Melo is out. John Henson is hurt. It’s like everybody EXCEPT John Calipari is vacating this tournament.
Stephen Hawking will appear on an upcoming episode of “Big Bang Theory,” where he will have only the third most robotic voice.
Want a Bachelor spoiler for every season ever? Here goes… “the hottest one.”
REPORT: Dead air has asked to not be aired during Rush Limbaugh’s show.
Fab Melo gives the whole “You can’t teach 7 feet” saying new meaning.
Opinions are like assholes: I have two of them
Apple packaging is so nice I have real difficulty throwing it out. #FirstWorldProblems
Breaking Jon Hamm/Kim Kardashian War News: Kim hurls her antibiotics at Jon…Jon knocks them out of the air with his handsome.
Deciding to watch ‘The Bachelor’ or ‘Jersey Shore’ is like being on the toilet & deciding if you want to puke or have diarrhea on the floor.
Siri does the best Stephen Hawking impression.
I don’t think there’s homeopathic medicine that treats quinoa poisoning. #hipsterproblems
I just found out Ronald Reagan used a teleprompter. Now I have to renounce my citizenship and join Al Qaeda.
I always caress the hand of the person handing me food at the drive-thru because convenience does not preclude kindness.
Turning the homeless into WiFi hotspots is impressive, but what I really want is to turn them into a USB hub.
Just like the Eskimos have over 50 words for “snow,” the people of India have over 50 words for “diarrhea.”
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