Stephanie Pratt has been a reality TV star for so long that she can now claim that “her life has been lived almost as much on the small screen as off it.”

When her brother, Spencer, creator of hit reality TV show The Hills, asked her to join the cast, Stephanie instantly became a global celebrity. For Stephanie Pratt, being so watched and analyzed did little to stall her addictions and issues.

Now that Pratt lives in London and stars in Made in Chelsea, she feels she is finally settled and ready to reveal the truth about her life and what it means to be a reality TV star. Her memoir, Made in Reality: From the Hills of L.A. to London’s Made in Chelsea, tells stories that no one saw on camera.

While the cameras seemed to show Pratt living a perfect, privileged life in “reality TV,” in actual reality she was struggling with substance abuse and body issues. While making The Hills, she felt she was “huge.” This in spite of already having an eating disorder that developed after she was arrested for shoplifting and lost her job as production assistant on the TV series Lost.

@stephaniepratt your new book made in Reality is brilliant! I can't put it down and I need to go walk the dog!

— Evie Young (@Louise2Evie) August 17, 2015

By 2009 Stephanie Pratt weighed 105 lbs. “I lost about six pounds in two weeks, but bulimia made my face very puffy, so I freaked out and began going on crazy little diets,” she said. “I’d only eat Tic Tacs.”

Her new book holds nothing back, going behind the scenes of The Hills, Made in Chelsea and even the Big Brother House. Stephanie Pratt even talks about how she smoked meth in high school. She smoked a lot.

“I was 14 or 15 [when I first smoked it],” she writes. “I was on the extreme level and addiction developed instantly. [I smoked] probably four times before school, then at snack…probably 12 or 13 times a day.”

“I didn’t care about anything. I could live or die, I didn’t care,” she continues. “I had nothing to get out of bed for. Nothing was exciting.”

Stephanie Pratt doesn't look like she smoked meth 13 times a day

— Erica Nealon (@nealon35) August 19, 2015