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Smoothies, The Facebook IPO, and Strippers

Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression. And what better...
Smoothies, The Facebook IPO, and Strippers
Written by Josh Wolford
  • Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.

    And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.

    Enjoy!

    I don’t want to spook the market, but one of my friends hasn’t logged into Facebook for like 45 minutes.
    40 minutes ago via Twitter for Mac · powered by @socialditto
     Reply  · Retweet  · Favorite

    The most hilarious two minutes in comedy has to be roll call at a Beverly Hills kindergarten.
    54 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto
     Reply  · Retweet  · Favorite

    Pre-G8 conference call. Agreed to nick as many of @BarackObama‘s expensive toiletries and fluffy bathrobes as we can manage.
    2 hours ago via Twitter for BlackBerry® · powered by @socialditto
     Reply  · Retweet  · Favorite

    Official #Facebook IPO slogan: “You’ve already wasted your time on Facebook. Now waste your money.”
    18 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
     Reply  · Retweet  · Favorite

    Its really hard to look depressed while you’re drinking a smoothie.
    1 hour ago via TweetCaster for Android · powered by @socialditto
     Reply  · Retweet  · Favorite

    A teenager found part of a finger in an Arby’s sandwich. He said he became suspicious when he tasted something that seemed like real meat.
    51 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto
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    It’s a shame that Michael Vick beat & drown pitbulls and not Pitbull.
    3 days ago via web · powered by @socialditto
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    If I get an email from an AOL address I assume it’s from a ghost.
    1 hour ago via Echofon · powered by @socialditto
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    Just found out on Facebook that a really good friend of mine “can’t believe it’s only Thursday.” Please RT.
    1 hour ago via Echofon · powered by @socialditto
     Reply  · Retweet  · Favorite

    Do you think Michael Vick will play any Three Dog Night at his wedding?
    1 hour ago via TweetCaster for Android · powered by @socialditto
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    Pinterest is a great place to look at shit you can’t afford and shit you’ll never do.
    1 minute ago via TweetCaster for Android · powered by @socialditto
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    These days, most people only know Emily Dickinson’s poetry from reading strippers’ tattoos.
    2 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
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    Amber Alert would be a badass name for a stripper.
    2 hours ago via Echofon · powered by @socialditto
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