Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.
And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.
When the kids are being too loud I tell them their faces went through my vagina and then they shut up and run away.
Superman! The hard-luck bulletproof underdog with X-ray vision who can fly and shoot lasers from his eyes! Sure hope he beats the odds!
It’s humbling to know a monkey wearing a coat in Ikea has touched the world more than you ever will.
The Japanese word for fart translates literally to “beef whisper.”
If at first you don’t succeed, your next text is gonna seem desperate.
Just told my Secret Santa I murdered a plumber in Vermont in 1995 or is that not how it works?
Dave Hester is suing Storage Wars for $3,750,000. They should give him 50 couches and an old treadmill and tell him it’s worth the same.
How great would it be if at the end of The Hobbit, they just started playing Smashmouth
If you’re planning a shooting during The Hobbit, you’d better use arrows or the nerds in costumes will get pissed.
The #McDProBowl is a toilet for the morbidly obese, right?
Here’s my idea: Inedible Arrangements. Just like Edible Arrangements, except with plastic fruit so it lasts longer.