Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.
And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.
BREAKING: Pollster says Big Bird ad already having effect; results from midmorning to 3 p.m. have Obama surging among voters ages 2 to 4.
The good news is that self-driving cars are now legal in California. The bad news is that so are the ones driven by Lindsay Lohan.
I bet Mitt Romney was the kid in class that reminded your teacher that you had homework last night.
According to a recent survey, 1 in 5 Americans now say they have no religion. Happy 72nd birthday, John Lennon.
I see I was just included on a Twitter list called “Jews.” In general, people making lists of Jews makes me nervous.
When God closes a Pizza Hut, he opens a Chinese restaurant shaped like a Pizza Hut.
Jerry Sandusky was sentenced to 30 years although he prefers to think of it as six five-year sentences.
Serving salad with pizza is like shooting me in the face and then offering me a band-aid.
Jesus better take the wheel because he damn sure didn’t take the key to the mini-bar.
I wonder if Aerosmith ever listen to their own music or if they don’t go to strip clubs.
Every Halloween I make my yard into a spooky cemetery by killing a bunch of people.