Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.
And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.
UPDATE: The horrific torture scenes in “Zero Dark Thirty” are actually just random scenes from the “Twilight” movies.
Breaking: Zooey Deschanel caught with 30 kilograms of quirk.
So glad that Justin Timberlake is bringing back Arrested Development.
One day the words “Frampton Comes Alive” will be a terrifying warning to go board up your doors.
Megan Fox quit Twitter because she couldn’t “discern it’s [sic] purpose” which, coincidentally, is why I quit Megan Fox.
The first Zelda game I played was Ocarina of Time so every other one has been a slight disappointment. #FirstWorldProblems
Where will Tim Tebow be next season? I’m not sure, but we can definitely rule out the Jets and a vagina. #Tebow2013
Just labeled a “Little Debbie’s Snackcake” ad on Facebook as “Sexually Explicit.” I’m on a watchlist now, right?
FYI: if you ask more than zero questions when ordering at Chipotle the people behind you in line will murder you.
Lincoln is up for 12 Oscars including Best Picture, Best Director and Movie That’s Almost As Long As It Takes to Load iPhoto.
Might be an alcoholic just so I can be something.
“WHO WANTS A PIECE OF ME?!?” – Jesus, at the first Communion.