“I had such a great life on the outside, the Dolls were on top of the world, but I was miserable on the inside,” said the ex-Pussycat Dolls singer. “I’m never letting that happen again.”
The 36-year-old went public with her addiction in 2012 and concedes that sharing the darkest moments of her long-secret eating disorder is still very painful.
“Thinking about it I try not to well up,’ she said.
“It is such a horrible, paralyzing disease and it was such a dark time for me,” said Scherzinger. “I didn’t think anyone knew in my group or in my family because I hid it that well, I was so ashamed. I knew it wasn’t normal or healthy because I was hurting myself through this cycle of disordered eating. It was my drug, my addiction. It’s an endless vicious cycle.”
— E! Online UK (@EOnlineUK) July 2, 2014
— Global Grind (@GlobalGrind) July 3, 2014
“I had started losing my voice, I couldn’t sing at shows, and then I remember my manager finding me passed out on the floor in Malta or in the south of France,” she recalls. “I thought, ‘I’m going to lose everything I love if I don’t love myself.'”
— Cosmopolitan UK (@CosmopolitanUK) March 3, 2014
Scherzinger said that today she is healthy, but still struggles with another issue in her life — being incredibly shy.
“I get past my shyness by making everything about others and not thinking about myself,” she says. “That’s what I did on The X Factor – I can be goofy and playful when it’s about the acts. They are like my babies. But when I’m off stage I’m not as big and animated … for me all my smiles and confidence are a triumph because it came from a broken place.”
Image via Nicole Scherzinger, Instagram