Nicole Scherzinger, once a member of the all female band the Pussy Cat Dolls, says bulimia was to blame for the rift between her and her band mates. The singer claims she suffered from the eating disorder from approximately age 18, right up through her mid-30s. Yahoo! News reports she recently apologized to the other members of the band for her behavior that she says was a result of her illness.

Scherzinger apologized to her former bandmates–Carmit Bachar, Ashley Roberts, Jessica Sutta, Melody Thornton and Kimberly Wyatt. She said she kept her illness a secret, and as a result would never open up to her band mates and tell them about the problems she was experiencing. She says the bulimia was a result of horribly low self-esteem. She also said describe her lack of self confidence as ‘crippling.’

“There were a lot of moments when I was with them that I was distant and stand-offish. I never opened up to them to talk about my problems and I would shut myself away–and push them away–because I was battling this horrible secret illness, bulimia,” she said during a recent interview.

.@NicoleScherzy wants to “apologise to The Pussycat Dolls” as she blames bulimia for being “distant” http://t.co/CMROAu304n

— Irish Daily Mirror (@IrishMirror) December 24, 2014

Nicole Scherzinger didn’t deal with her bulimia for many years, which likely means there may be more people besides her band mates with which she caused rifts. Often times those with eating disorders distance themselves from those around them–often in an effort to conceal their illness.

The ‘Boomerang’ singer is presently dating Formula One champion Lewis Hamilton. Her relationship, along with her career, appear to be blossoming. Hopefully this is the start of a whole new life for Nicole Scherzinger. Perhaps her apology to the remainder of the Pussy Cat Dolls will allow her to truly heal.