Nicole Kidman may have a lot going for her, but she says that 2014 has been one of the hardest years of her life. Kidman lost her father this year and opened up about her troubles during the Australian premiere of Paddington in Sydney on Sunday.

“Personally [it’s been] really, really, really hard,” she said. “My family underwent a massive tragedy. So not my favorite year. But I try not to be ungrateful — I’m grateful to be alive.”

She said that the loss of her father did motivate her to spend more time with her mother and sister, who also live in Sydney.

“We’ve gone through a really tough time this year as a family. It’s so nice to be able to take care of each other,” she added.

Nicole Kidman: '2014 was my toughest ever year' http://t.co/Vfco8hQ7QX pic.twitter.com/Odbpq0BpDn

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It hasn’t just been a hard year for Kidman in terms of personal issues, she has also struggled career wise too.

Three of her films this year didn’t do as well as expected at the box office, but her film Paddington has been doing much better.

“My whole career is always a roller-coaster,” she told The Guardian. Adding, “I’m so random and spontaneous and unusual in my choices — I never expect anything.”’

Kidman said she knew it was a good idea to do the Paddington film and she is glad it is something her kids will be able to watch and that will make people feel good.

“I just wanted to make a film for my kids. … I hadn’t made a film that had made people feel good for a long time. I’ve made films that are darker in tone. So it’s really nice to be able to make a film where you can say ‘Yeah, bring your kids..’ ” she said.

At least Kidman will be able to look back on one positive thing in 2014. Hopefully 2015 will be a better year for her.