Being the first Australian to win an Oscar for Best Actress could’ve been the biggest moment of Nicole Kidman’s life, but the actress recently revealed that it was the loneliest moment of her life instead.

Shortly before receiving the award in 2003, Kidman and former husband Tom Cruise had ended their 10-year marriage.

“I was sitting in the Beverly Hills Hotel with a gold statue and I was the loneliest I’d ever been,” Kidman said during the Women In the World Summit at the Cadogan Hall in London on Friday.

“The loneliest I’ve ever been.” -Nicole Kidman on life after her divorce from Tom Cruise: http://t.co/9AfZnAb6JB pic.twitter.com/f1dOFCxqUc

— Women in the World (@WomenintheWorld) October 9, 2015

“To be completely honest, I was running away from my life at that time. I wasn’t able to handle the reality of my life.” Kidman also said. Kidman said that she turned to acting after the divorce to escape the truth.

Nicole Kidman Was ‘Running Away’ From Life After Tom Cruise Divorce http://t.co/m1D6bUhvMa pic.twitter.com/dYGHUbkQ7y — Yahoo Celebrity (@YahooCelebrity) October 9, 2015

“As an actor, you have this wonderful thing where you can go and get lost in somebody else’s life.”

Kidman eventually realized that she couldn’t hide behind the roles forever and finally accepted that it was not a permanent solution to her problem.

She said she decided that she had to slow down, focus on her happiness, and recover her old self.

“I did a lot of reading and a lot of talking, I managed through about five or six years, and then I stumbled into Keith,” Kidman said gushing about her nine-year marriage with country singer Keith Urban.

#NicoleKidman on Marriage to #KeithUrban: ‘I Have An Amazing Husband’ http://t.co/nxSbbSwpsH

— K-FROG Radio (@KFROGRadio) October 11, 2015

“We got married very quickly and we got to know each other when we were married,” Kidman recalled “I wanted a partner and someone to share my life with. I wanted more children.”

Kidman and Cruise have kids together, Isabella and Connor, while Kidman has daughters Sunday and Faith with Urban.

After what Kidman went through, she said that being a mother changed her.

“Once you have that child you think: Ah, I’m willing to die for this person and that changes everything,” Kidman said.