Mega Millions, Carson Daly, and Warm Pillows

Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression. And what better...
Mega Millions, Carson Daly, and Warm Pillows
Written by Josh Wolford
  • Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.

    And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.

    Enjoy!

    I just watched the Ray Lewis speech and ran in the street and stabbed someone(image) 1 hour ago via Seesmic ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Kids These Days have no idea what it’s like to only have 151 Pokemon.(image) 1 hour ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Carving a picture of tits into my 7th grade desk with a pocketknife was my original Draw Something.(image) 17 minutes ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    BREAKING: Greece Buys Mega Millions Ticket(image) 4 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Just hearing Ray Lewis on tape makes me want to run through a wall and take the fall for first degree murder.(image) 29 minutes ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    My excitement for Anchorman 2 was immediately destroyed by the prospect of absolute turds spouting new Anchorman quotes. Constantly.(image) 1 hour ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    I sleep with my arm under my pillow so both sides of the pillow are warm #FirstWorldProblems(image) 1 hour ago via iTweet for Android ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Carson Daly’s homophobic? Oh man, he’s going to freak out when he meets Carson Daly.(image) 1 hour ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    To clarify, Khloe Kardashian has severed ties with “PETA,” not “pizza.”(image) 1 hour ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Michelle Duggar says that overpopulation is a lie, and 75% of the world’s population agree (they’re Duggars too).(image) 13 hours ago via Twitter for Mac ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    The Mega Millions frenzy proves what they say: A fundamental lack of understanding of the laws of probability makes the world go around.(image) 3 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Keep in mind that if George Zimmerman had sold Trayvon Martin marijuana instead of shooting him to death, he’d already be in jail.(image) 5 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    BREAKING: Amazon to close 50 of their “Best Buy” electronics showrooms.(image) 3 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    All my Draw Something pictures end up looking like bats. DEAL WITH IT.(image) 4 minutes ago via Batcomputer ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

    Get the WebProNews newsletter delivered to your inbox

    Get the free daily newsletter read by decision makers

    Subscribe
    Advertise with Us

    Ready to get started?

    Get our media kit